Sunday, May 1, 2016

Line by Line snark on this Match.com ad. Because I'm really tired and don't feel like actually doing anything*



I am not really sure what the Spokeschoad on the Street's first question- it sounds like "how many--- did you meet?" but Idiot Woman Who Doesn't Know How To Say Mind Your Own F--ing Business to Spokeschoad on the Street responds "mostly from dating websites," which isn't an answer to that question.  Does he say "how did you meet guys?"  Because it sure doesn't sound like that at all...

"Tell me about it."  Proper response- "None of your F--ing Business."  Response from someone desperate to be in a commercial- "sure, let me tell you about my online dating history, right here on the street:"  "Mostly just there to hook up."  Um, what's the problem with that?

"Have you tried the Match App?"  "There's a Match APP?"  No, seriously.  That's her response.  She's surprised that Match isn't the only company on the planet that doesn't have an App.  That's the 1990s version of responding to "have you checked out the company's website" with "the company has a WEBSITE?  Holy Crap, I had NO IDEA!"  I have never used Match, eHarmony, or any of these dating sites.  I just ASSUMED that they all had Apps.  Because, you know, 2016.

"Ooooh, this guy wants to chat and have fun and see where it takes us." Yeah, that's SO different from the guys on the other websites, who just want to "hook up."  What does this woman think "chat and have fun and see where it takes us" MEANS?  Does she think it translates into "lets just chat and take it slowly, maybe if it feels right after 100 dates or so we can meet my mom and spend the evening watching 'Old Fashioned' on DVD?"

"How is this different from some other Apps?"  Um, well, with some other Apps, you can find a favorite restaurant.  With others, you can play games involving birds with pissed-off looks on their faces.  With other Apps, you can buy Starbucks coffee.  I don't understand the question.  At all.

"Getting to know what a person is like is 'more mature' than 'here's my face.'"  Well, ok.  Which non-Match.com dating sites go with "here's my face, let's hook up?"  Because it's strongly suggested that's what ALL the non-Match.com sites do.  If that's so, I'll ask again- what's the problem?

"Just joined Match!" Based on a 20-second non-coversation with a Spokeschoad!  Hey, Jordan, I'd leave "mature" out of your dating profile.  Because honesty and all.

Or, I'd just cut the crap and admit that you just want to hook up- you just didn't want to admit it to the Spokeschoad.  That would be more mature than this.

*I spent 12 hours on a train and bus yesterday.  This is as ambitious as I get today.


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