Saturday, September 7, 2019

Lulu, Lobo and Wells Fargo: Horrible Together



This is one of a series of commercials featuring these dogs and this bank.  Let that sink in for a minute.

Ok, depressed enough?  Then let's continue.  Lulu and Lobo are sitting at the entrance of a Wells Fargo watching their owner doing something in the building they aren't allowed in for some reason.  Because they are dogs, in real life they don't have the slightest clue what is going on or why there's this invisible shield between them and the other creature which feeds them because they have brains the size of walnuts.  But because they are dogs on tv, they are telepathically speaking to eachother in human voices.  And because they are dogs on tv in the United States, they are telepathically speaking to eachother in human voices speaking English.  And because CGI is a thing, one of the dogs is moving his mouth while he's telepathically speaking.  This is all happening mainly because Wells Fargo hates people so very, very much.

And because they are animals on tv they can deduce what is happening between humans in the bank- never mind that a six-year-old human child probably wouldn't understand, these animals know that the humans are negotiating a thirty-year adjustable-rate mortgage which will allow their human to move them into a house with a yard so they can live "the unleashed life" (please, just kill me now.)  They get all this just by staring through the glass at the entrance door which never opens because nobody else attempts to enter or leave the Wells Fargo during the entire negotiation which BTW is taking place right there in the lobby of the bank and not in an office because That's Convenient.  Oh, and the owner of these ridiculous dogs didn't bother to tie them up outside (or, better yet, just leave them home) but that's ok because they'll just sit there staring into the bank until she decides to come out (doesn't this mean that they are already living the "unleashed life?")

In the end, the girl makes the deal and she won't even have to explain it to the dogs (though I suspect he will anyway, because Dog Owner.)  I don't know what happens in the other Lulu and Lobo commercials and I seriously don't care, because of all the stupid commercial memes that have been done to death over the decades none has been done to death more than the Pets Thinking and Talking like Humans bit, and I'm just not going to subject myself to any more of this crap.  Instead, I'll just impose an instant boycott on every company which uses "talking" pets in its ads.  And wait for Wells Fargo to pull the rug out from under Lulu and Lobo's human by jacking up interest rates as soon as it's federally funded risky investments collapse again and we all get to party like it's 2009.

No comments:

Post a Comment