Monday, September 30, 2019
Chevrolet, JD Power, and the bizarre Real People Cult
Let's cut to the chase with this crap, shall we?
JD Power and Associates is a "Global Marketing Information Service." Which is to say, it conducts surveys of consumer satisfaction. I just thought I'd let you know in case you had become convinced that existed ONLY to give ostentatious glittering plaques to Chevrolet- after all, the only time you EVER hear about this company is when Chevy's obnoxious Eurotrash spokeschoad is bleating about it to bs "real people" who are busily drooling over some BlandMobile or Truck.
JD Power doesn't buy advertising to let other companies know who they are or what they do. They don't have to. They figured out quite some time ago that all they have to do is hand phony awards to Chevrolet, and Chevrolet will be more than happy to give them free advertising- which also benefits Chevrolet. Funny how that works, don't you think?
In fact, it's gotten so bad that in this particular commercial Chevy's played-out cretin spends the entire ad time praising...JD Power and Associates. There's really no selling of a Chevy product anywhere in this ad. Just this jackass with a Very Very Punchable Face telling us how very reliable JD Power and Associates' surveys are. JD Power and Associates after all talks to even more Real People Not Actors than the Just Die Already scruffy Chevy yakker does, and whaddyaknow those Real People consistently say they bought Chevys and haven't killed themselves yet so Chevy must be really high in customer satisfaction JD Power and Associates says so.
And while this scumsucking little knob is busy kissing the butts of the company that keeps handing Chevrolet impressive-sounding but ultimately meaningless awards nobody outside of Chevrolet's corporate offices gives one flying damn about, a group of ethnically diverse zombies proceed to to close in on him like he's about to provide instructions for committing mass suicide. Oh pardon me- I just envisioned a happy ending for this commercial.