Saturday, June 26, 2021

A 2-minute Nissan Rogue Commercial that feels like 2 hours


1.  I really thought this was going to be one of those twee "important message" ads about disconnected parents when we see the father blathering away in bumper-sticker "business speak" while the rest of the family looks like their valium is kicking in.  Which confused me because it's clear in all these ads that we are supposed to admire the "connectivity" and see it as a bonus.

2.  It couldn't be more obvious that the kid in the back seat was asked by the director to "show sadness" or something, because that miserable hand-in-chin, eyes-on-the-floor posture is so cliche'd it's almost painful.  We get it.  He's sad.  Probably about his dad being "disconnected" from his life, or something.

3.  Nissan really, really wants to highlight the mirrors in this ad.  I don't know why.  All cars have mirrors.  This one has a rearview mirror that can be adjusted-- manually.  Wow, that's innovation right there, Nissan.  And mom uses the mirror too, to-- check what's behind her?  Show us her face from a different angle?

4.  These people spent a ridiculous amount of time just sitting in that parking lot before getting out of the car.  What the hell is going on here?  Combined with the monotone of their "conversation," I'm starting to pass out here.  And I'm not on valium.

5.  They ask the kid to exit the car and check the back, and the look on the kid's face tells you that the director told him to smile slightly as he goes through the motions of taking his cue.  The acting here is just atrocious.  I am not invested in the slightest.

6.  The kid waves his foot in front of the rear hatch which opens it- never mind that Dad is still in the driver's seat (are they going to get out of the car at some point, or are they just dropping this kid in an otherwise abandoned park?) and is more than capable of opening it from there.  Maybe the kid really, really likes using the magic foot-sensor thing which added hundreds of dollars to the cost of the family SameMobile while having no real utility.  

7.  Hey look, the "parents" actually managed to get out of the car to see their kids' response to getting a bat for his birthday- just think, if they had exited the car WITH him, they could have just given him the bat themselves and seen the look on his (sleepy, bored, painfully unconvincing) face when he got it.  And the kid is sooo excited about getting the bat, you'd think he had just listened to his father finish a conference call or used his foot to open the hatch.  This kid is totally pumped about getting that bat, I tell you....

8.  Now what?  I guess the kid was nervous about trying out for the team, or being in the first game- perhaps feeling the pressure brought on by the fact that both parents are dressed in team colors and are therefore 100 percent invested in this whole baseball thing.  Not sure why the kid needs a bat, though- teams usually provide those.  His own glove would have made a lot more sense here, but it's clear that a whole lot of thought was put into something else and not this ad which, by the way, is for a Nissan Rogue which has great internet connectivity and a motion-controlled hatch.  The one featured in today's commercial included three non-actors who clearly met five minutes before shooting started and who all woke up ten minutes before that given the haze in which they speak every line and the painfully obvious lack of chemistry.  Wow, this one really hurt. 

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