Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Shaq, The General, and Two More Total Sellouts

"Hey Shaq, remember when you told us that The General offers quality car insurance, and we said we didn't believe you because it's not the insurance you carry, you are a paid spokesman for The General and a bunch of other stupid crap so it's really really obvious that you'll endorse anything as long as someone pays you for the endorsement, and the commercials are really stupid?"


"Well, it turns out that we are also willing to endorse stupid crap as long as we get paid, so we came into this commercial to let you know that we've changed our mind because Reasons and we now believe The General is quality insurance even though that's not even the name of the actual insurance company- to get that you have to read the fine print, plus it's not available in all states, both of which are really sketchy, but like I said they paid us to change our minds about The General so we did."

"I see.  I'm going to have this stupid kid sitting next to me take a drink of his soda and say 'ahhhh,' and then I'm going to do the same, and then I'm going to tell you that it means 'no you can't sit with us anyway,' because of YouTube algorithms requiring that these commercials be a certain length and we have to pad this steaming pile of stupid out for that length because what are we going to do, actually talk about the insurance?"

"Not a problem, Shaq.  We read our lines and we can collect our money now."

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