Thursday, December 1, 2011
I nominate "Dinosaur! Ball! Dinosaur! Ball!" as the first great Catchphrase of 2012
Man, I love these cheap, late night, amateurish advertisements for "miracle" junk. Eagle Eye Sunglasses, Food Choppers, Magic Jacks, Snuggies- they are all so awesome in their brilliant awfulness, I almost hate to snark on them. But hey, I've got a job to do here, so....
Can we start with those kids, who for some reason are planted like stereo speakers on either side of I Swear I Am This Close To Getting Out The Gun dad, inexplicably screaming "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" (What IS that argument about, anyway? One kid has a dinosaur, the other kid has a ball. What is the freaking problem? Maybe it's a contest- "let's see how long we have to keep this up before dad snaps and kills us?") We have to love these kids- they've been given one line each, and they are making the most of it.
Let's continue on to Nagging Wife in Bed, who once again reminds Daddy that he's living in a house with other people, and simply can't blast the television at the volume he'd like (a volume which may allow him to briefly forget that he's living in a house with other people?) Dad needs to explain to Mom that he's just trying to avoid the creation of any more offspring, because God Damn It if he has to listen to "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" "Glow Worm!" he really IS going to start hurting people.
The answer to this guy's horrible dilemma is a pair of headphones which allow him to drown out the world around him with the roar of the wonderful television. When he's wearing these amazing, Get An Extra Pair Just Pay Separate Shipping and Handling headphones, he can pretend the family he woke up and found himself with does not exist. Maybe he can forget- again- about that appointment his wife made to have his freaking hearing checked.
The point is that for Only $19.99 (Plus Shipping and Handling, and don't think you are getting off the phone without ordering that "free" extra pair) you can keep your sanity by escaping from your dismal existence for a while- and nobody has to get hurt. Sounds like a bargain to me.