Friday, July 6, 2012
I guess I just have a different idea of "Fun," Xfinity
These Xfinity "Fun=Television" commercials were never especially interesting. Now they are really starting to piss me off.
They all carry the same message- there is absolutely, positively nothing more enjoyable than watching people do things on a screen. Want to relax by yourself? Don't even think about picking up a book- just watch this. Big screen hanging on the wall, small screen sitting in your hand, no matter. As long as you are watching. Quality time with the family? That means gathering on the couch, pushing a button, and spending the next two hours- you guessed it- staring at the screen again. I guess the only real difference between being alone and being with family is your ability to stretch out on the couch- and the amount of time it takes to get to the bottom of the popcorn bowl.
Oh, and again with the "connectivity" bit. You can be with your mom even when you can't- there she is, waving at you from that same. Fricking. Screen. Gee, she looks happy to see you, even to the point of waving like the stupid, clueless dumbass she is (why do people wave at cameras? I've never understood this.) When you get older, don't you dare bitch about the lack of parental supervision- Mom was always there for you, right there in the kitchen, on that screen. She even gave you an "I love you" look and a wave. What more could you ask for?
All this is marketed under the phrase "Endless Fun." Somehow, I managed to have a lot of fun when I was a kid without all this crap. No, it wasn't "Endless," but that's ok, because I imagine an imaginary land in which people had "Endless Fun" would be like that story where it's Christmas every day- it gets very cloying and boring. What makes fun is the fact that it's not the ordinary routine. Watching television was fun when I was a kid because the shows we viewed were usually on once a week, and if you missed it you had to wait for a rerun. (If you missed a Christmas Special, like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, it was pretty darned near the end of the world, because you'd be waiting an entire year before getting a chance to see it again. So you didn't miss it.) I can't see how television is fun today, with On Demand and Hulu and Netflix and a thousand other ways to watch anything you want, any time you want, over and over again.
Know what's still fun? Hiking, swimming, playing Whiffle Ball in the backyard. Baseball games. Hersheypark. The beach. Buying food for hungry students Just Because. Know what all this has in common? None of it involves a cable company, a satellite, or a glowing screen. Which means none of it provides Endless Fun, I guess. I'll take them anyway, though.