Sunday, July 22, 2012
Of Clorox, Overgrown Children, and MommyWife
Message: "Fun" is what you have when MommyWife is away. It's also what comes to a screeching halt once MommyWife comes back.
If women would just pop out kids, keep the house clean, and get the damn meals on the damn table when they are supposed to,* otherwise getting the hell out of the way, DaddyHusband and kids would have so much fun. Every day would be filled with paintball, water balloons, and the kind of Endless Fun which has nothing to do with Xfinity.
Unfortunately, MommyWife can't be relied upon to just make herself scarce when she's done doing her MommyWife chores, so DaddyHusband and kids need to get their fun under the radar. They need to snatch up moments of pure happiness when MommyWife is away (shopping, getting her hair or nails done- whatever they do. I wouldn't know.) Except for the cooked food, cleaned and folded laundry, and all those other little things that MommyWife takes care of, man life would be so much better if she just wasn't around.
Family Values, brought to us by Clorox.
(two best moments:
"I made a lasagna..." Yes, because naturally DaddyHusband could never, ever be relied upon to feed YOUR kids on his own.
"You're doing laundry?" Hey, imagine that- a guy doing laundry! Like a fish riding a bicycle! What will he do next- wash the dishes? Has the world gone MAD?)
*When I was grading APs in Louisville last month, the worthless dick sitting across from me managed to mention something his wife forgot to pack for him pretty much every day- "I told her to pack my favorite shirt, of course she didn't....I reminded her over and over again not to forget to pack my phone charger, so what do you think happened? She forgot to pack my phone charger." Which means I spent most of the week mentally braining this helpless jerk with my chair. I bet he just couldn't wait to finish up the grading so he could get back to MommyWife. I wonder how he managed to dress himself every morning.