Saturday, July 21, 2012
Um...why would you serve this to "people you love?"
Time-saving tips from ABC Family, in partnership with Hamburger Helper in a nefarious plot to rot our brains AND our intestines with crappy television and even crappier food:
1.) Install a massive whiteboard onto the wall in the kitchen. Whiteboards have a million different uses- they allow kids to write stuff like I AM AT TIFFANYS NOT LIKE YOU CARE MOM and DAD CALLED HES PISSED AGAIN and FU I AM ON A DATE WITH TONY YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HM WE R IN LUV. Or for parents to jot down loving notes like OUT AGAIN TONIGHT PIZZA ROLLS IN FRIDGE or DONT FORGET SET BURGLAR ALARM FEED CAT.
(At the school where I teach, Whiteboards are used to congratulate female graduates when they do the only three things females do which are worthy of praise- when they get engaged, when they get married, and when they have kids.)
2.) On the rare occasions when you DO get the entire family together, remind them exactly why it's ok that they are so rare by feeding them horrible, cheap slop like Hamburger Helper. Nothing says "I see dinners with the family as a massive inconvenience considering my busy schedule" more than mixing up a big ol' frying pan full of this trash. Well ok- maybe Manwiches. But this is definitely a close second.
So since you are home, and it's dinnertime, well, it can't be avoided, so....here's six dollars and fifteen minutes worth of effort. No need to thank me, just my way of showing exactly how much I love ya, honeys.
What, you are still here? Well, let's all plop in front of the TV and see what ABC Family has for us then. Get the message yet? It's ok if you are never home. If you are home, this is what you can expect. Because Mommy and Daddy are awfully busy and jeesh, don't you have other kids you want to hang with?