Monday, July 16, 2012

Only Samsung's new phone matches my excitement level concerning the upcoming Summer Games

The 2012 Olympics haven't even started yet, but the commercials have me wishing that they were already a fading memory.  Each one seems more Over The Top, Why Aren't You Worshiping Us For Making Your Life Worth Living than the previous.  By the time America realizes that it forgot to watch the Olympics again because it was too busy working, playing outside, texting and updating it's Facebook page, Samsung will probably be taking credit for the freaking sunrise (which we also forgot to watch again.)

As usual, this cellphone ad is a montage of images which are supposed to be inspiring but are in fact just confusing and bordering on infuriating in their pomposity.  I could spend several paragraphs going through each one- the scruffy dick who opens the ad by bleating "Yep" into his Best Friend and then gazing wistfully (cluelessly?) into the distance, the creepy kid with the ping pong ball who looks like he's about to use it to kill someone, the Please Suffer a Spinal Injury Right Now yuppie pond scum who take electronic directions to incredibly stupid, dangerous things with their bikes.  But it's summer, and like most of America, I have things to do.

So instead, I'll just snark on one moment in this monstrosity which ticked me off more than any other- the moment where the woman runs up to another person in what seems to be an airport.  She doesn't hug that other person.  She doesn't kiss that other person.  No, she touches cell phones with that other person.  Maybe I missed the memo, and this is the 2012 version of physical contact.  But I found the image so darned vile, it actually managed to stand out amidst the rest of this giant pile of commercial crud. 

And that's really saying something, because this 30 seconds or so of manipulative, self-satisfied junk which screams "We Hold Society Together!" (no to mention the equally absurd "We All Care About the Summer Olympics!")  would be quite ugly and cringe-worthy even if we WEREN'T treated to a "beautiful moment" featuring cell phones kissing.  Or sharing.  Or whatever the hell that was.  I don't know.  I don't care.  And I don't want to.  And for maybe the fifth time in a row, I won't be watching the Summer Olympics.  Because it's Summer, and like I said before, I have stuff to do that doesn't involve gazing at a screen.  Missing more ads like this- just another good reason not to watch.


  1. I had no idea who the guy in the beginning was until he kicked thea soccer ball, and then I realized it's David Beckham. *circles finger listlessly in air* Whoo-hoo.

    The oppressive level of corporate sponsorship of. Every. Single. Aspect. of the Olympic Games is suffocating. What's next, Charmin, Official Sponsor of Port-a-Loos for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games?

  2. Instead of having national teams, why not have them compete in the name of a corporate sponsor? It'd be more honest, right?

  3. As long as we still get the treacly, heart-tugging back story behind every. Single. American Athlete. I can deal with that.