Saturday, December 15, 2012
If a fan massacres science at a football game, and nobody responds, does it make a sound?
I was going to go through the "labels out" choad's explanation to his fellow doofus pudding-brained loser moron friends how holding their not-beer bottles in a certain way would somehow contribute to their team's scoring the winning field goal. I was going to- but after listening to it two or three times, I realized that I was getting nauseous, I'm not getting paid for this, and so-- to hell with it.
So instead, I'll just comment on that look the Unbeliever has when the field goal kicker- who is in the National Football League, is a Pro, and whose only job is to kick Field Goals- actually manages to...kick a Field Goal. See for yourself- it's a look which says "Wow, it worked."
Now, I could be charitable here and assume that since it's the end of the game (it's implied that this isn't just any field goal kick, it's the deciding field goal kick) this is not the first Bud Lite Dimwitted, Easily-Duped Dunce has consumed over the past three hours. I'll also assume that he's rather sensitive to alcohol, and is actually capable of getting buzzed by drinking Lite Beer. But that's as far as my charity is willing to carry me with this guy.
That look makes it very clear that he honestly believes that because four guys in a crowd of 50,000 turned their beers, it somehow influenced the trajectory of a football being kicked on a field eighty yards distant. He doesn't smile appreciatively at the weird superstition of his friends. He looks for all the world like he buys the gibberish he was fed by the Not-Physics Professor sitting two to his right. That's not funny. It's not charming. It's really, really stupid.
Not as stupid, however, as the line "It's Only Weird if it Doesn't Work." It doesn't work. It's just the fans believing that somehow they can be something other than mere spectators, when in fact the only way they can have any impact on the game is by being really loud when their team is on Defense. Even then, five idiots drinking Lite Beer in the cheap seats aren't going to pull it off. But I can deal with multicolored socks, face painting, prayers, voodoo dolls, or any other Not At All Effective But Hell You Bought Your Ticket So Go For It idiocy. But spare me the bullshit "science," ok, Bud Lite? After all, if you guys knew anything about chemistry, maybe you'd be able to come up with a light beer worth drinking, instead of specializing in bad commercials not worth watching.