Saturday, December 22, 2012

Three heartwarming little stories, courtesy of American Express

1.  Guy brings his Intended to the Upscale Jewelry Store to purchase the engagement ring, but he's told by the saleswoman that his VISA card is maxed out.  What does his sensible girlfriend-who-thought-that-she-was-about-to-become-a-fiancee respond with?  Is it

A.  "Wow, I had no idea you were so bad at money management.  You aren't ready to be married, let's continue to date, because I love you, but you need to mature a little more and get your act together?"

B.  "Wow, I thought you only used credit cards for emergencies, like sensible people.  You must be really irresponsible.  You aren't ready to be married- and I'm certainly not going to be marrying someone who doesn't know how to balance a checkbook or keep an eye on his spending.  Later."

C.  "Your VISA card is maxed out?  Well, that's a pain, I wanted my ring!!  Look, loser- get yourself an American Express Card.  They NEVER max out, which means you can buy my ring, and keep spending money in a reckless fashion, and you'll never humiliate me like this again by denying me what I want right now."

If you picked C, you were correct.  And my guess is, you've watched a lot of commercials.

2.  Guy and his Significant Other are Dressed to the Nines for a concert.  Dim bulb girl has never heard of TicketMaster, so she assumes that even though he invited her out and let her get all dressed up, he didn't bother to buy the tickets in advance.  American Express hopes we think that the only way to buy tickets to any event without using the box office window is through American Express.  Whatever.

3.  Middle Aged Idiot grins with pointless delight as a waiter babbles pretentious Italian at the Idiot's befuddled date (I don't blame Date for being Befuddled; after all, the job of a waiter is to inform the customer of what is on the menu and to take the order, not to impress the customer with his mastery of Italian.  At least, that's what I thought the job of a waiter was.)  Befuddled date, having given up all hope that Middle Aged Idiot will stop the humiliation and step in and ask the fucking waiter to speak English, grasps at a familiar word- "Tiramisu"- and interrupts with essentially "I'll Have That!"

Does Date really want Tiramisu?  I kind of doubt it.  She just wants this experience- which is delightfully funny to the guy but obviously painful to her- to end.  I just hope that when the stuff comes, she jams it into the guy's idiot face and walks out.

Anyway- great stories, American Express.  Seems to me that "Our cards are perfect for self-absorbed, clueless jackasses" could have presented in a shorter package, but at least a few actors picked up paychecks for appearing in this mess.

1 comment:

  1. I would have preferred A myself....but then again, I know how to balance a chequebook.