Friday, December 7, 2012

It's December, which means it's time for Lexus to bring the Hate

If you don't absolutely loathe the people in this commercial, and everything about them, by the time the screen fades to black then all I can say is that you are a far, far better person than I am.

I mean, come on.  Disgustingly happy white family living in immaculately-decorated Suburban mansion head out to dinner at Upscale Trendy Restaurant in their tricked-out red Lexus SUV.  What more do you want?

How about that Mommy seems to see this weird recipe for Dead Bird on some restaurant's webpage, "Likes" it, and five minutes later is off to the restaurant to consume it?  What is that all about, anyway?  It says "Recipe"- but she doesn't attempt to cook it, she wraps up her Perfect Family and goes out to have it cooked and served to her.  I believe this is being sold to us as "better" than "Liking" it because...she gets to spend more time with her family?

How about that Mommy looks like a model for Clairol?  Or that Daddy has that prerequisite three-day's-growth Eurotrash beard going, not to mention the $100 haircut and the Just-Right wardrobe?  How about the perpetually delighted kids who finish up the package?  Or maybe it's all of the fucking "We are So Damned Happy All The Time You Would Be Too If You Were Us" grinning?

And how about that Upscale Trendy Restaurant, where emotionless wage slave Server (this place doesn't have waitresses, believe me) brings Mommy's three and a half mouthfuls of what looks like Garnished Nightingale in light wine sauce (I don't know what that's supposed to be.  I can only guess that it's the specialty of the Upscale Trendy Restaurant, it's something that the Help in the Back quietly snigger about whenever pompous rich dicks choose it, and that it costs around $50 a plate.  And that the people who order it have no idea how much it costs, and couldn't care less?)

So, again- if you don't really really hope that something horrible happens to these people on the way back to BetterThanYou Estates, you are a far better person that I am.  Not that that's saying much.  But still-what is the matter with you?


  1. It would be nice to end one of these ads with the Perfect People getting blown to bits by a roadside IED, wouldn't it?

    1. 1. That's really dark, twisted, and hardly fitting during this holiday season.

      2. Yes.

  2. It's also always implied in these ads that if you have one of these SuperiorMobiles, you can drive as fast as you damned well please through suburban and city streets. It's as if the owners are the modern equivalent of the French Nobles in "A Tale of Two Cities"- they are Better Than You, they have Places To Go, so you'd better get the fuck out of the way before your body ends up scratching their big lovely cars.

  3. Is that bird from the anorexic menu? Seriously, it looks like something from a real bird that you pull apart to make a wish. If I gave that to my cat, he'd look at me with a contemptuous glare that says: "I passed on catching birds in the back yard that were bigger than this."

    I notice that it's always wet out in these commercials, too. Not raining. Just wet, as if a light shower just ended. I don't know why, unless its to use the reflected light off of the wet street to make the Lexus look more shiny.

    Also, the commercial would be way better of they were broadsided by a drunken truck driver at a stop light.

  4. I honestly have no idea what that thing on her plate is supposed to be, but it sure doesn't look like anything I'd want to put in my mouth. It looks for all the world like something you order because it's very expensive and you want people at nearby tables to know you don't care about the price.

    The next trick is getting them to notice your Lexus. Which is easy, because it's being reflected by the always-present slick roads, and it's always parked right in front of the restaurant.