Friday, July 26, 2013

Lets go back to playing the quiet game now

Does it bother anyone else that all of these "I Like And Better" commercials require the same implausible elements to come together to make even the slightest amount of sense?

1.  The driver of the car has to wait until the passenger inexplicably praises the car he or she is travelling in.  I have never, ever done this, but I'm pretty sure that if I found myself saying "hey, this car is really nice" it would be a very strong signal to the driver that A)  I was sitting here feeling really awkward, and felt I should say SOMETHING, and B) I am the worst conversationalist in the history of the known universe.

2.  The driver then gets to respond by pointing out two positive attributes of the automobile which have absolutely nothing to do with each other.  "Yeah, it has anti-lock brakes AND great gas mileage."  "Yep, electronically adjustable mirrors AND Sirius satellite radio."  "You got it- heated seats AND a foot-controlled hatch."*

3.  Idiot passenger, realizing that he's unwittingly stumbled into a lame "lets talk about my awesome car" conversation which promises to be even worse than the heavy silence that forced him to vomit up his stupid "hey, this car is really nice" comment, ramps up the dumb by observing that "and" is better than "or."  I'll give the idiot passenger credit for quite reasonably believing that THIS should so totally flummox the driver that he finally agrees to turn on the fucking radio and end this torture.

But noooooooo.......

4.  Cotton Candy For Brains Driver, believing that no conversation is so utterly vapid that it should be allowed to die a natural death, actually challenges his Dying Inside, Wondering How Much It Would Hurt If He Just Jumped travel companion to imagine fun other situations in which "And" is better than "Or."  Fun, that is-- if they were, say, six years old and the DVD player in the SUV was on the fritz.  "That would be like black OR white photography."  "That would be like sweet OR sour chicken."  "That would be like 30-day paid vacations OR stock options."

5.  Shared mental image.  Who is the originator of the image?  Who cares?  Both people in the commercial manage to create the same unimaginative, ludicrous scene in their heads at the same time.

6.  Well, that conversation is over, Thank God.  Now what will we talk about?  Let's play the quiet game, shall we?  Nah, let's just continue to make the Geico "Happier than..." series look like high art.

*99.9 percent of the time, foot-controlled hatch used by drivers overburdened with pizzas or KFC buckets.

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