Saturday, September 7, 2013

Dunkin Donuts wants to kill it's customers slowly and deliciously.

My favorite part of this DD ad is the comparison of this hybrid doughnut/sandwich/burger monstrosity to DD's "healthy" turkey sausage and chicken salad offerings.  Anyone who thought that they were eating "healthy" by consuming ANYTHING produced at Dunkin Donuts was being naive, or living the dream, in the first place.

It's also becoming pretty clear that DD is not going to let KFC get too far ahead in the Outrageous Food That Will Kill You Before You Get Back To the Parking Lot marketplace.  Bacon and cheese held together by slices of fried chicken?  Well, we gotta admit, that's tough to top- hey, how about eggs, sausage and cheese between glazed doughnuts?

Whichever you choose, I really think that these places ought to at least keep ambulances standing by.  Seriously, though, I am 100 percent in favor of massive taxes on any food item which fits in one wrapper yet manages to contain at least three of the following- cheese, fried chicken, eggs, bacon, ground beef and doughnuts.  Heck, big surcharges on salt and frying medium could increase the lifespan of the average American by ten years (and decrease the waistband of the average American by three inches.)

Meanwhile, I invite you to enjoy an episode of Art Imitates Life, courtesy of the Simpsons, circa 1990.  Matt Groening is an absolute prophet, wouldn't you say?


  1. Yeah. A prophet. Meanwhile, I remember thinking "IDIOT!!! Don't give them ideas!!!" when that first aired. Next thing we know, we'll be able to buy Nuts'n'Gum!!!

    1. I remember that one too- "Nuts and Gum, together at last!"

      I believe it was on the shelf next to "Ham Ahoy!"