Friday, September 13, 2013
I'd like to tell Toyota where they can go
I wish that all the wannabee poets and songwriters who write car commercials could be jammed into the same cannon and launched into the same damned jagged rock, myself.
I also wish that Toyota would stop trying to convince us that their cars can take us places no other cars can. Jesus, they are cars. They've got four wheels, seats, steering and braking devices. They are all capable of cruising down the same damn highways as all other cars. Get the hell over yourselves already.
And while we are at it- hey, Toyota? When people are driving Toyotas, they are sitting still. At most, their activity level rises to include adjusting the stereo or consulting the onboard GPS. Stop trying to convince us that flying past interesting-looking things somehow equates to doing interesting things. And while we are on the subject,
99.99% of Toyota owners will never, ever use their cars to crash through streams (and that's a good thing) or really do ANYTHING except get from Boring Point A to Boring Point B. When I want to see the woods, I walk through them. When I want to see the top of a mountain, I climb up it. When I want to buy a new car, I don't think "ok, will this one get me where I want to go?" because THEY ALL WILL. I don't spend a whole lot of time thinking "gee, I'd like to do this cool thing someday- but what kind of automobile can handle the trip?" Because if I need a rugged vehicle to do something, it's something I want to do ON MY OWN POWER THANKS ANYWAY.
Simply put- I'm not interested in slapping a "This Car Climbed Pike's Peak" sticker on my car's bumper. I AM interested in someday putting a "I Climbed Pike's Peak" sticker on my backpack.
I'll conclude by wishing Toyota would just STFU and stop selling us the ludicrous idea that a car is some kind of magical vehicle which allows us to jump rainbows and make our miserable lives just a little more bearable. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for another long walk.