Saturday, January 11, 2014
American Idol? Call back when you get some killer monkeys and poisonous fog.
First, the cloying little cards being held up at the beginning would be so much more honest if they were just decorated with dollar signs and nothing but dollar signs. "I"m doing it for him?" Yeah, sure you are, lady. Keep telling your parents that every time you drop that baby off so you can stand in line for another six hours in another American Idol Audition City. I'm sure they buy it at least as much as I do.
Second, why don't we just admit that this is just the currently legal version of "The Hunger Games?" No, we don't get to see these sad idiots hunt and actually murder each other, but it's the best we can do under our current system of law- sure, they can't bludgeon each other with rocks or form temporary alliances with people they'll eventually be plotting to butcher when they are no longer useful (you have to watch Survivor for that) but at least we can look forward to another season of watching people being emotionally beaten to bloody pulps before being tossed into the waste bin of life.
Only until we finally get this Destruction of Society thing over with already (five years, tops) and can start building those "game zones." Hey, at least we won't have to deal with pathetic losers who think they can sing just because All Their Friends Think They're Awesome.
And I'm assuming Jennifer Lopez won't be involved either. Bonus.
Get a cannon ready!