Downy's Be More Huggable campaign leaves me hating pretty much everything

This ridiculously manipulative advertisement disguised as a Hallmark Channel movie or mid-afternoon glurge-talk show is four minutes and thirteen seconds long, but the product being promoted isn't revealed until the last five seconds.  And then the connection between the first 4:08 and the product is never made in any coherent manner.  And I am left wondering where the hell I go to get that 4:08 of my life back.

This commercial features three (or maybe it's four, I'm not doing this again) sets of couples talking about themselves while sitting on couches.  It's all very gooey-cute and pointless and smarmy and stupid and the only reason I didn't turn it off right away was because I caught it on YouTube and saw that it was sponsored by Downy Fabric Softener and was curious to see how the writers were going to tie this in with a chemical used to reduce static cling.  It goes on and on AND ON because I guess we are supposed to develop a kind of connection with these total strangers over the course of four minutes which makes our hearts glow and our eyes glass up (mine glazed over, but I'm kind of heartless that way)- in short, we are supposed to care about these people on our tvs because they are on our tvs and they've got these kind of inoffensive but not at all interesting stories to tell.  On TV.

At the end of this Four Minutes of Twee the couples are asked to stand up and hug each other, and now unless you've totally bought in and feel like you've known these people all your life it's pretty uncomfortable (the kid hitting the same three notes on the keyboard to provide "dramatic" background music doesn't help) and we get the sinking feeling that the previous 240 seconds were all about getting to the part where they rub each other's clothes which are so soft and rubable because hey,  Downy!

And then it's over except for the ubiquitous hashtag thing provided for the seriously damaged losers who want to "learn more" (it would be kind of hard to "learn less.")  How about Hashtag Get Your Minutes Back?  Because when I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to remember the four minutes Downy stole from my life.   If you haven't watched this video, please don't bother and just send me a thank-you note instead.  If you got through the whole thing, welcome to the very exclusive club.  Let's keep our membership a secret, shall we?