Monday, January 24, 2011
Thanks for Asking, Taco Bell!
What next? I'm just chock-full of suggestions for you, young man!
1) Complain loudly to the restaurant management that someone has slipped you the food equivalent of a whoopie cushion- perhaps made by the same company that produces those ridiculously noisy Kit Kat Bars which also exist only on television.
2) Ask those pretty girls if they MIND if you continue to eat your dinner without having to feel awkward by their turning around every time you take a freaking bite. Given the ages of these customers, my guess is that this guy could blather away at high volume on his cell phone and get less reaction. I mean, this IS a fast-food joint, not a library, right?
3) Realize that those pretty girls can't hear your thought bubbles (we viewers should be so lucky.) They can't tell how cool and suave you are with the ladies, because while you are thinking these witty (in your mind) thoughts, they just see a dumbstruck doofus holding a pile of poison wrapped in empty carbs.
4) Along the same lines- stop looking at the girls you Know You'll Never Talk To, You Loser and start planning on how you are going to work off the fatty, salty, greasy crap you are shoveling into your body. I suggest a nice jog to the moon.
Or, just keep doing what you planned- sit there quietly, waiting for the pretty girls to leave, so they won't notice that you wet your pants when they actually acknowledged your existence for a moment. When you go home, change your pants, go online, and tell all your Facebook Friends about how you hit it off with these two awesome chicks you met at Taco Bell.
Then never go to that Taco Bell again, because you've been banned for the mess you left on the floor. Your arteries will thank you.