Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The sound of empty calories (except, not really)

1. From a distance of 100 yards, you know what is being sold out of this vending machine. What an eyesore. At least when you are surrounded by Kit Kats while on the Chocolate Ride at Hersheypark, you are distracted by the singing cows.

2. Are Kit Kats popular, or are they just the only thing the employees of this company can buy without going off-site? I mean, there are no other candies in the whole freaking machine. I guess if you need a quick empty calorie sugar fix, Kit Kats are ok. And I guess that in this building, they are going to have to be.

3. Kit Kats don't make this much noise. In fact, when you break them or bite into them, they make almost no noise at all. Eating popcorn is louder. Kit Kats are slightly noisier than Snickers bars. Why would being noisy be a selling point anyway? This reminds me of the old Pringles commercials, where we saw people jugging the empty cans- what does this have to do with the quality of the chocolate, people??

4. If Kit Kats WERE this noisy, they'd probably be banned in the workplace. After all, how can I listen to fantasy football updates on my cell phone over this kind of racket?

5. Kit Kats don't taste all that good. Like most mass-manufactured chocolates, the texture is chalky, and the wafers are bland and rather flavorless. Which might explain why one guy seems intent on jamming the stuff down his pie hole as quickly as possible.

5. Has anyone over the age of six ever made the choice of a candy bar based on a commercial?

What is it about this commercial that would encourage anyone to buy a Kit Kat Bar? There are no boxes of Kit Kats on moving belts, no chocolate-churning machines, no narration concerning the Amazing Cocoa Bean. Not even a singing cow.

Not even ONE.

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