Friday, January 7, 2011

Sprint is at war with society, and society is losing

Here's another nasty little dollup of ugliness from our friends at Sprint, who seem determined to sell us on the idea that the whole point of owning a cellphone with unlimited video streaming and text is to be the most self-absorbed choad imaginable for a reasonable monthly fee.

The football player in this ad- knee shattered, probably pumped full of pain-killers, nevertheless still holding on to his cell phone- receives an email from his "caregiver" (I use that term VERY loosely) letting him know that he's out for the season. That's right- the doctor is RIGHT THERE, but has adopted to modern technology so well that he finds it more convenient to send a text than to simply tell the patient with that hole located between the nose and chin.

"What does that mean?" the deeply concerned football player asks (give the guy props for asking the question orally rather than sending a reply email- though responding electronically might return a greater level of humanity than he gets from the Never Look Up bag of toxic waste sitting at his side.) "It means I'm dumping you from my fantasy team, that's for sure" the "doctor" replies (I cringe whenever I hear this, because I can imagine the thousands of mentally and emotionally retarded Barely Erect YouTubers LOLing and high-fiving each other at the awesome wittiness on display.)

As with all these commercials, the "funny" part comes from the fact that the Asshole With A Phone simply doesn't get that he's being an Asshole, and all he cares about is the fact that he's saving money. More- he assumes that the victim of his asshattery is actually concerned about his phone bill. So, you see, Sprint customers have brains stuffed with animal feces and the social consciences of rabid wolves. Bottom Line: You need to switch to Sprint.

At least, I'm pretty sure that's the message we are supposed to draw from these ads. Because I don't quite fit in, I'm certain that my reaction- that this football player should reach out, seize his "doctor's" phone, and apply it to his lungs via the rectum, is not a common one. This suspicion is confirmed over at YouTube, where I'm told that anyone who doesn't think these commercials are funny has no sense of humor. If I were willing to join YouTube, I'd reply that anyone who thinks that these commercials are funny has no sense of humor- or humanity, or basic decency. And probably should not be allowed objects as sharp as keyboards. But again- that's just me.


  1. I'd be a little more passive-aggressive. "Hey, Doc, can I see your phone? Cool..." and when it was in my hands, I'd throw it against the wall.

    I actually cringed when he did that knee-slap. Having knee issues myself (I had a knee-replacement), my reaction there wouldn't have been so passive, it would have been aggressive by punching him in the face.

    I loathe these ads.

  2. When did "our customers are geniuses" turn into "our customers are assholes"?

  3. Amen, glad there are others who HATE the smug, self-absorbed cruelty as much as I do (and as I said in my own blog...)