Friday, January 21, 2011

Remember this when your request for a new stapler is denied

The copying machine- the only one your school owns- is on the fritz, again. The service guy is on his way, but it may be a while. And the repair job will only keep the copier functioning for a few weeks, tops, before it breaks down again.

Sorry, we're out of transparency paper. You know how much that stuff costs? Just pass the photo or graphic around the room.

At the beginning of the school year, each teacher will receive a set of whiteboard markers. DO NOT LEAVE THESE MARKERS IN THE CLASSROOM. DO NOT LET THE STUDENTS USE THESE MARKERS. If you need replacement markers, please let (----) know. If teachers request too many replacement markers, we must assume that these instructions are not being followed, and teachers will be required to supply their own.

Sent home to parents: a list of items each student should bring to school on the first day, including two boxes of facial tissues for the classroom.

"The Advanced Placement History books currently used by your class include a concluding paragraph covering the 9/11 terrorist attacks- therefore, they are sufficiently up to date. We can't afford new textbooks this year."

"We agree that a trip to Harper's Ferry would be the perfect way to conclude the year for the United States History I class; however, the bus fee is not within our field trip budget constraints."

Meanwhile, the incredibly irritating narrator with the grating sing-song voice is celebrating the fact that in a school somewhere across town some kid is using CISCO's SmartBoard technology to engage in a staring contest with a kid on the other side of the fucking planet. Probably because the Field Trip to China has been delayed until Ellen Page shows up.

Warms the heart, doesn't it?


  1. When my kids were in elementary school (the youngest of three is a senior in high school now), not only did we have an extremely specific supply list ("Crayola crayons only, Fiskars scissors only"), I had to write my child's name on each item. Literally. Every freakin' crayon, every pencil, every marker (which rubs off, by the way).

    At the moment, we're trying to raise funds to send the daughter to New York City with the orchestra. Its going to cost $850 per kid because a huge chunk of money that we gathered through fund-raising had to be used for deposits and other such early expenses because the "orchestra fund" that the retiring teacher left for the incoming teacher was somehow missing most a majority of its total.


    Because it was "redirected" for another "club". (can you guess which one? Yeah, the one where the participants are male and wear helmets).

    So now each parent- including us, the disabled veteran family- have to come up with $850 per kid.

    Because schools have loads of money to throw away on Cisco networks and flat-screen monitors and new computer programs... I'd roll my eyes, but it makes me dizzy.

    Sorry, I got off on a tangent there.

  2. No problem, Pahz. Good luck with the fundraising.

    When the football team has all the money it needs, and when one school is asking for tissue donations and another has a Cisco Network so that the kids can hold staring contests and wave and shout at kids in China...well, there's something seriously wrong with the way we do things.

  3. I'm reminded of Bierce's comment about how an academy used to be a Greek school where philosophy was taught but was now an American school where football is taught. Were he alive today, he'd say it was where texting was taught.

  4. There are kids at my school whose parents are paying $25,000 per year so that they have a place to text- usually the bathroom, sometimes the halls or hidden corners of the library.