Friday, February 3, 2012

Verizon thinks that men are perpetually eight years old

So I guess the joke here is that the Desperately In Need of Friends loser, confronted with the choice of purchasing R2D2 or one of these SuperAwesome Make Your Life Worth Living Because You Can Watch Movies On It phones, picks the phone.

I guess the joke here is NOT supposed to be that this Dateless Doofus is so freaking sad, his whole life revolves around George Lucas's most successful cash cow. I mean, he can't even buy the damned phone and quietly download "The Phantom Menace" in the privacy of his own mom's basement- he has to be shown that he can do it first, right here and right now, in front of a salesman who must be simultaneously repulsed by this guy's lack of taste and attracted by his lack of economic common sense.

Seeing that yes, he CAN carry "The Phantom Menace" and all of it's amazingly bland, boring, manipulative, in-your-face "action" with him wherever he goes. To his couch. To his son's baseball games on his court-appointed weekends. To first and only dates set up by It's Just Lunch. Yay, he doesn't have to stop being a witless, mouth-breathing child when he leaves the house! Isn't technology wonderful?

Meanwhile, this commercial would actually be enjoyable if, when Fat Moron leaves cuddling his new Best Friend, the salesman gets a high-five from his coworkers in the store, followed by a well-deserved round of sniggering balanced by rather sad, resigned head shakes as they watch the soulless idiot walk back to his car.

Or, if the customer is dumb enough to show people how he can watch "The Phantom Menace" on his new phone, a few of his male acquaintances demand that he surrender his Man Card. Because no way this isn't the most Unmanly thing he's done recently. I mean- he interrupted the salesman to let him know that R2D2 is from Naboo. That ALONE justifies his immediate expulsion from the club.


  1. If they're trying to show us how superior their new-and-shiny-thing is to the other new-and-shiny-things out there, why don't they compare it to something that's realistic? Like other new-and-shiny-things, instead of movie androids that no regular human could possibly own.

    I know, I know, my logic has no place in the world of cell phone ads.

  2. Better yet, why don't they just admit that they hold the people they want to sell things to in contempt?

  3. What an idiot! Who cares about the new phone, or whatever the heck it is, that's going to be replaced by something that's even faster/prettier/shinier in a few months? Dude, go for the piece of cinema history! That phone-thing? Constantly going to depreciate in value. R2D2? Unless you're idiot to destroy it somehow, it's going to continue to gain value, not to mention it's a heck of a lot more useful than Verizon's latest toy. I'm glad he passed over R2D2, because he clearly does not appreciate that android. Now someone who does grasp the value and worth of R2 can have him (me, for example).

  4. R2-D2 is not an android. C-3PO is an android

    1. So when Ben Kenobi says "these aren't the DROIDS you're looking for?" he's in error?

      Not to mention every time, in the original Star Wars film, they are mentioned as the missing DROIDS?

      I think you have a point of contention with George Lucas.

    2. "Droid" is the Star Wars term for "robot". "Android" is the english term for "Looks like a man". R2-D2 looks like a barrel. C-3PO looks like a man.

      P.S. I do have a point of contention with George Lucas, for not keeping the Clone Wars TV show up to par with the movies.