Friday, February 10, 2012

You think DEPRESSION hurts? Try Cymbalta!

First- Sadness? Loss of Interest? Anxiety? These are the symptoms of Depression? Jeesh, who ISN'T depressed?

Second- I have seen a lot of commercials for anti-Depressant medications, but this is the first one I've ever seen which lists "yellowing of eyes" as a possible side effect. Suicidal thoughts? Check. Insomnia? Check. Bleeding out like a stuck pig? Check. But yellowing of eyes? Sorry, that's the deal breaker for me. My eyes are my meal ticket!

They are also the windows to my soul. I can't have those windows anything but rich brown- so I guess I'll have to stay depressed. I don't even have to ask my doctor of Cymbalta is Right for Me. Ulcers, severe stomach cramps, deafness, vomiting, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, sudden irrational fear of sock puppets- I can learn to adjust to pretty much anything. But leave my eyes alone, Cymbalta!

By the way, I see that Cymbalta isn't recommended for Children under 18. What do children over 18 look like? Let me guess- they spend most of their time texting, downloading the newest version of Angry Birds and playing Call of Duty in their basements, right?


  1. "First- Sadness? Loss of Interest? Anxiety? These are the symptoms of Depression? Jeesh, who ISN'T depressed?"

    There's a difference between the sadness, anxiety, and loss of interest people typically experience and what's associated with depression because when it's depression, attempts to cheer up and not worry and get back into what you've enjoyed do not work. You can know there's no logical, rational reason to be worrying or feeling like your life is complete shit but your mind still insists that your life is shit and it finds things to worry about and you have zero interest in doing anything even when you want to be interested. Depression is when the sadness, anxiety, loss of interest, change in sleeping and eating habits, etc. don't pass, and the length of time is important in the diagnosis of depression.

    Every drug on the market, OTC and prescription-only, has a risk of side effects, and liver damage is one of them, so if you want to avoid yellow eyes, start reading labels.

    I say this with respect, because I know you're not a stupid, narrow-minded, insensitive idiot: this entry really, really irritated me because it came off as somewhat mocking of depression and treating it like it's not something serious. I struggle with mental illness, as do several family members, and we're more than willing to risk the slight chance of liver damage, of which jaundice is a sign, to be able to truly enjoy life and be functional enough to hold a job. Not being able to enjoy anything, no matter how much you want to and how hard you try, royally sucks. Not being able to stop worrying, even when you know there's nothing to worry about, because your brain always finds something, is hellish, and you want to scream when people tell you to just relax, because don't they realize if you could relax and stop worrying, you would. Your crack about what children over eighteen are like was out of line. There's a big difference between being depressed and being lazy.

    Antidepressants aren't recommended for kids under eighteen because kids on antidepressants have shown the odd tendency to be at higher risk for suicide (no one is sure why that is), which is why that disclaimer is included.

  2. I'm not trying to mock Depression. I'm mocking the "there's a pill for everything" attitude which leads the FDA to approve drugs with dangerous side effects AND ads that pitch them to people desperate for answers.

  3. I didn't think you set out to mock depression because, like I said, you're not an ignorant, narrow-minded, insensitive douche. That's just how it came off. I wouldn't have been as nice if I'd thought it was intentional.

  4. It's sort of appalling to realize that whatever SNL does to riff off these things, their parodies eventually become reality. As an example, I'm worried that when I'm sixty, I might need to be insured against robot attack.

  5. You need to be ready for when the Iron Ones come for you. And they will.

  6. As a person who researches Star Wars, (no, I do have a life outside of this hobby, which includes writing novels with the same setting, so I do study Star Wars for a professional reason, as well as for fun. I started when I was six, okay.) I regognize yellowing of the eyes as a side effect of intense or extensive use of the Dark Side of the Force. I'm not kidding, just look at Darth Maul, Ep. III Darth Vader (pre-suit), of Darth Sidious (Palpatine).

  7. Also, RougueFiccer (groan), you need to calm down. Depression, so far as i have seen, is not an inherant mental condition. A local news show here ran a story about "depression" featuring a kid ho ran a YouTube video about how depressed he was. The news show was running from a pro-depression-as-a-disease paradigm, in short, they wanted me to feel sorry and help the kid. But as I atched, he was playing sad music, saying how "marijuana didn't ork for me" (Hey Uneducated, marijuana is a depressant). He was reading books by a certain author with a decidedly negative view on life. And this was the poster boy for depression.

    People like that kid need to get up and do something. he had a problem, but psycadelic drugsaren' the solution.

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