Thursday, February 23, 2012

Never mind Lipozene. You'd drop ten pounds just by getting rid of that weird smile, lady

I love the way this ad seems to start as a commercial for liposuction- several seconds are spent explaining that liposuction is an extremely effective way to get rid of "stubborn belly fat." Yes, and the guillotine is an extremely effective way to get rid of stubborn headaches. Considering that it's another over-the-counter miracle drug advertisement instead, seems like just another episode in non sequitur theater to me.

Anyway, the way-too-enthusiastic spokesperson "explains" how this "amazing" product does what all other phony "diet aids" have been claiming to do since the 1960s- allow you to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, in whatever quantity you want, if you just add this little pill to your daily routine. You see, this pill which I Guess Simulates The Effects of Liposuction Without Expensive Surgery Wow What A Savings magically breaks down Pure Body Fat and melts it away. It's so gosh-darned effective that she needs to remind us that it's only for people who are "serious" about losing a lot of weight- please don't call if you are only kidding, or only a few pounds overweight, or aren't really interested in being slim and sexy like the magazines and tv tell you you have to be if you ever want to have any friends.

In an interesting twist, the spokeschoad here hints that this pill is actually kind of expensive- but that it's expense is an unmistakeable sign of quality. "It's WORTH it." It MUST work, because after all, it's more costly than the Green Tea or Hydroxycut it's sitting next to on the shelf.

In another version of this ad, a woman shrieks into the camera "you need this because you CAN'T do it on your own, you just CAN'T. You CAN'T!!!" The thing you "can't" do on your own is exercise and eat sensibly, I guess. Or maybe it's just "be happy in your own skin."

By the way, the narrator and the graphics tell us that 78% of the weight loss caused by the ingestion of these pills is "pure body fat." Just one quick question- what was the other 22%? Muscle? Bone? Common sense? What?


  1. "Just one quick question- what was the other 22%?"

    Mostly, if not entirely, water. *nods knowingly*

  2. Absolutely. Most if not all of these over-the-counter diet "aids" specialize in promoting dehydration, giving the appearance of rapid weight loss. The jerk who pitches "Right Size Smoothies" offers a money back guarantee if users of his product don't loose a lot of weight quickly. Any quick-fix diet will result in a lot of weight lost quickly. But quick weight loss almost invariably means quick weight gain soon afterwards. Neither is healthy.

  3. All because of something that they don't want to have to remind people: once a fat cell is created, it's there for life. Also, they have no interest in getting people to live sensibly or ignore the social pressure towards a mythical ideal type as it cuts into profits. (Okay, that was obvious but it's such a good point, it needed to be repeated.)