Tuesday, February 14, 2012

"No, it's a death trap. Sign here, moron."

Ok, I get it- fifteen years ago, this jerk was a tow-headed dope who wanted a bike, but only if it was "fast." The guy at the bike shop told him "hey, it's ten speed," which may or may not have convinced him that the answer was "yes." Hard to say, considering that fifteen years ago there were plenty of 18-speed bikes out there. Maybe if the guy in the final scene looked closer to fifty than thirty, this part of the ad might have made a little more sense.

Then, ten years ago, a slightly older version of this twat we have absolutely no reason to care about wanted to buy a scooter (I guess he wasn't being beaten up regularly at school already.) He asks "is it fast?" This is a bit confusing- why would anyone interested in speed want to buy a scooter? Why not just buy a motorcycle? He also looks a little old to be taken in by a lightning bolt sticker- but then, this guy doesn't strike me as the sharpest tool in the shed...

The punchline is that now he's looking at a crappy German import and, knowing that a Jetta is about as close to the opposite of a sporty, fast vehicle one can get without going right over the edge and purchasing a SmartCar, he asks "is it safe?" Oh wait, it's not because his wallet won't let him buy a fast car- it's because he's managed to find someone to breed with, which now means he's Mature and Responsible, Yadda Yadda Yadda You Know The Rest Because God Knows You've Seen It A Million Times Already.

This doesn't make the question any more intelligent. How is the car salesman supposed to respond to "Is it safe?"

"Oh, you want a SAFE car? You are in the wrong place- these cars explode if you look at them wrong." Or how about

"Yeah, I get it. You got a girl to have sex with you, and now you have a kid. And you brought that kid in here in one of those stupid harness things. And now you are desperate to convince me that you are an awesome dad because you put safety first when choosing an automobile, PLUS you carry the thing around in one of those stupid harness things. You're a dad. I GET IT." Or maybe

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your question. I was too busy sniggering at that stupid harness thing." Or just

"What's with that angry look on your kid's face? I mean, did you go and tell him you are his dad, or something?"

1 comment:

  1. Here's a thought....leave the kid with Mommy and let this idiot get squished like a bug in his Hitlermobile. That way, she can find a man who isn't a sitcom monstrosity to spend her life with.