Sunday, November 23, 2014
Warning: These Walmart Ads may be used to induce vomiting
I tried to find the brand new one with the grinning idiot who bleats "wait till FRIDAY? That's CRAZY" but it's ok that I didn't- it deserves it's own post anyway.
At first I thought this woman actually said "Thanksgiving HUG" but replayed it again and heard "Hub," which is just a little less horrible, but just barely. This insane "say goodbye to your family and rush to Walmart before you are finishing digesting your turkey" message is made even worse by the chirpy delight this woman takes in telling us about it.
"We don't want you to miss these 'special events'-- hmm, the whole time I was growing up, 'special events' on Thankgiving meant eating walnuts, then playing touch football, then eating dinner, then watching football and cleaning and basically just enjoying eachother's company. Then eating desert.
When did "jump into the car and head off to Walmart to push and shove your way through crowds of idiots" become more attractive than any of that? Oh yeah- around the time society collapsed, I guess.
Hey, it could be worse- you could be one of those people saying goodbye to their families before dawn ON THANKSGIVING in order to make sure the shelves are stocked with Made in China crap so that the heirs of Sam Walton can earn a few more million to toss onto the pile. If you are one of those Walmart employees, get there extra early and maybe there will be something nice in your store's "Contribute To Your Fellow Employees So They Have Enough To Eat" box.
To all of you on the corporate board at Walmart, from this nobody blogger: there's a special ring in hell reserved for you loathsome, bloodsucking, soulless toads. There just HAS to be.