Saturday, November 8, 2014

What the thirty-something execs at Subaru think of the concepts of "grandma," "Woodstock," and "Love." This isn't pretty.

Ah, ok, I get it now!  "Grandma" was a stoner who hitched her way to Saugerties during the Summer of Love in order to experience Woodstock and the feeling of being soaked to the skin because of the incredibly crappy weather that marked most of the three-day music festival.  Judging from the stringy grey hair and the vaguely hippy-ish clothing, we are supposed to assume that Grandma never really got past her hippy phase and has spent most of the last forty years eating homemade yogurt and granola when she wasn't working in her organic garden and planning firebombing raids on Exxon-Mobile drilling rigs.

(Grandpa is sadly absent- while Grandma was living in the past, he was the CEO for Walmart who organized the shift to All Chinese Products back in the early-80s. Or he designed low-grade atomic weapons for the Defense Department.  Because someone had to finance Grandma's self-indulgent delusions.  Grampa died at 55 of a heart attack but he left a very nice insurance policy- thank goodness, because hey those annual excursions to visit the tortoises in the Galapagoes don't pay for themselves.)

Grandma remembers everything about Woodstock- where she skinny-dipped, where she banged that guy who would become Grampa about nine months later, where she almost OD'd on hashish....the decade or so after that is a little hazy, but it hardly matters, because those three days were the absolute highlight of her life anyway.  Kind of like that horrid old woman from Titanic, her entire existance encompasses a few hours from her 19th year.  All the crap after that- the kids, the mortgage, the koi pond, that organic garden, the trips to Whole Foods and the Think Globally Act Locally meetings in the Lincoln Navigator- all that kind of fades into obscure haze compared to those hours listening to tinny music out of crap sound systems in that soggy field in upstate New York.

This Minute of Twee wraps up with Incredibly Embarrassing Grandma hugging the tree which once provided a little shade while she and Future Grampa Did It To High Flying Bird- at least, she thinks that was the tree.  I mean, who knows- she was so plastered, it's kind of amazing that her son turned out as well as he did.  Still- she and the family are hugging a tree.  That's "love," in Subaru's book.  But let's not forget that love in Subaru's book is also stalking a female bicyclist and lovingly stroking a gearshift knob (see the archives.)  Subaru just keeps getting weirder about this.

1 comment:

  1. Have you ever heard Subaru's radio commercials on all-news radio channels? It's up-at-the-lake-house condescension x10.