Thursday, March 5, 2015

Because you can't spell "Care" without "Carnation...."

Which way should I go with this one?

A)  Gee, it's a good thing that Mom and Dad decided to invest in this massive kitchen with all the newest appliances and an island and everything- without it, it might be hard for this kid to find the bottle of Instant Breakfast Just Drink It And Don't Make A Mess in the morning.  What are all those appliances for, anyway?  To heat up the can of Chef Boy-R-Dee ravioli you plan to serve for dinner? To nuke those Hot Pockets?  To keep Dad's beer cold?

B)  Gee, it's a good thing that Mom opted for the Stay At Home route- otherwise this kid might have to unscrew the cap of his breakfast all by himself.  What are you cleaning there, Mommy?  You've worked it out so that your family doesn't even have to dirty a glass in the morning.  Once you get Hubby to buy into your Disposable Clothes and Sheets idea, you're home free.  A bottle of chocolate milk for breakfast- the love is just melting off the screen, isn't it?

C)  This kid is old enough to pour some milk into a bowl of cereal, cut himself a grapefruit, toast some bread, etc.  Get up ten minutes earlier and make yourself a real breakfast, idiot- because that milkshake you just chugged?  It's going to leave you hungry way before lunch.   Like three hours.

I guess I decided to go with all three.  And I 'll add this one last observation- here's an obviously very well-off family living in a big house in a comfy upscale suburb, headed by at least one adult who thinks that the best she can do for her precious spawn is provide a "breakfast" he can get down in ten seconds.  I think it's safe to assume that there's an equally loving box of Lunchables in that kid's backpack.   Gotta cut corners somewhere, I guess.

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