Friday, March 6, 2015

Want to bet Kim's day started with Carnation Instant Breakfast?

Here's another commercial featuring "parents" showing their kids how much they "love them" by taking the time and effort to put solid, nutritious food on the table.  Because a big house and all the material comforts one could ask for are all well and good, but nothing says "I love you" quite like a well-balanced meal at the end of the day.

Nah, to hell with that.  Takes too much shopping and preparation- and the DVR is overloaded as it is.  Why waste all that time when you can serve up a "dinner" consisting entirely of a pan of instant mac'n cheese, a salad, and rolls?  Here's a quick tip- switch to paper plates, and make the whole "we don't give a damn" experience complete.

At least the "parents" left the Stouffer's box out, instead of trying to con the kids into thinking more than ten seconds of thought went into this---umm,  "meal."  Way to go, people.

Hey, I got through this entire take without even mentioning that we're supposed to believe this junk is so good, one bite is enough to blow whatever witless nonsense Kim was spouting right out of her brain.  Wow- if she's this impressed by Stouffer's Heat-and-Eat crud, imagine what the rest of her diet looks like.  Not pretty.


  1. I hope she's not a registered voter. Wait, what am I thinking? If she's this busy, she couldn't possibly take the time for any of that.

  2. So...the reason Kim completely forgot her long, boring story about Jessica is because she "realized that Stouffer's Mac & Cheese is made with real cheddar, aged to perfection for six long months"? Oh, I see now.

    "Wait! You guys didn't tell me that this mac & cheese was made with REAL cheddar! Aged to PERFECTION for SIX LONG MONTHS!" (as opposed to short months, I guess) "That's a complete GAME CHANGER! Who the hell cares about this stupid Jessica anymore? Did you know, real cheddar causes amnesia? Well, now you do!"

  3. I should add that, having once been in a job in which I got to see how the marketing sausage is made, I highly suspect that what happened here is that Stouffer's and the ad agency had to compromise. Imagine it as a scene from "Mad Men":

    Peggy Olson (because this is food, so she'd get the lead, as the product is being pitched to "moms"): The message of this pitch is, this mac & cheese is so delicious, your daughter will completely forget the boring story she's telling you and just savor it.

    Client: Hmm...well, that is true. Our product IS delicious. But I think we need more in the ad. I think we need to add WHY it's delicious.

    Peggy: "Why" it's delicious? Do we really need to add that? Does it really matter?

    Client: Well, I think it does. I think we need to promote the uniqueness of our product that makes it delicious. Which is, that it's made with real aged cheddar.

    Peggy: Okay. So we could have a voiceover explaining that Stouffer's Mac & Cheese is made with real aged cheddar.

    Client: Yes, and say THAT'S why the daughter forgot the story. Because she realized our mac & cheese is made with real aged cheddar, and when she realized that, she just forgot all about the story.

    Peggy: Uh...(trying to find a diplomatic way to phrase it) I'm not sure I understand.

    Client: It's simple. The realization that it's made with real aged cheddar knocked all other thoughts out of her head.

    Peggy: But...isn't it enough that the thoughts were knocked out of her head because it's so delicious BECAUSE it's made with real aged cheddar?

    Client: I don't think so...I think we need to say it was the fact that it's made with real aged cheddar was the realization that made her forget the story. Because, otherwise, she could just be eating one of our competitors who doesn't make their frozen mac & cheese with real aged cheddar.

    Peggy: I see. (not really)

    Client: And let's say the cheddar is aged for six months. No, not just six months...six LONG months. And realizing that is what makes her forget the story.

    Peggy: Okay.

    (After the meeting concludes and the client departs)

    Peggy: Don, do you believe that shit?

    Don: Yes, Peggy, I do. And just in case the people watching our show didn't understand before now why we drink on the job, now they will. Hurry up and pass that bottle over here.