Sunday, April 7, 2013

Another very tiny violin for the customers of US Tax (Cheat) Shield

Let's just take this line by line, shall we?

"The IRS said I owed them thousands of dollars..."

Translation:  "The IRS finally caught up with my years and years of cheating, and showed me exactly how much I owed, and why.  But by using the passive 'the IRS said,' I can fish for sympathy from people who regularly pay their fair share and might not be automatically inclined to feel sorry for a scofflaw like myself.  And just to up the sympathy ante, I use the word them to describe the IRS, hoping you don't realize that in this context, them means an organization created to ensure that people like me don't get away with coasting on the contributions of people like you."

"even though I felt I had done the right thing.."

Translation:  "My feeling was that I had paid enough, and this should trump my knowledge that I was cutting corners, failing to file, and doing all those things you losers who ask 'how high' when the gummint says 'jump!' Because I believe in Liberty, unlike you sheep."

"they put a lean on my house...."

Yes, because when you buy a house with money gained from not paying your taxes, that's the same as making every taxpayer contribute to the buying of that house.  You don't get that? Well, what do I expect from a tax cheat who wants sympathy from non-tax cheats?

"They even went after our daughter's college savings account..."

See above.  If you cheat on your taxes, everything you spent money on INSTEAD of your taxes is an illegitimate purchase which SHOULD be seized by the government.  Most adults KNOW that if you refuse to pay your monthly rent and instead use that dough to buy big-screen televisions, you can't expect your landlord to just shrug and look the other way for very long.  If you take out a mortgage and then fail to pay it, preferring to put your money into European vacations or college funds, don't whine to me when the bank takes that house back or tells Suzy that she doesn't get to go to college on ill-gotten cash squirreled away by her idiot, irresponsible parents.  Seriously, what is the matter with you people?

"Then a friend- she told me about US Tax Shield."

Translation:  "I have a friend who is either A) a fellow tax cheat who managed to beat the system, or B) a devotee of late-night television who has also repeatedly encouraged me to learn how to flip houses from my laptop, buy Miracle Eagle Eyes sunglasses and Sham-Wows by the truckload, and put the money I am stealing from society by not paying my taxes into gold coins."

Here's an idea, potential customers of US Tax Shield:  If you are in trouble because you haven't been paying taxes, or you screwed up and underpaid several years in a row, contact a local tax attorney not associated with Liberty Tax for advice.  She will inform you that the Evil Horrible Blood-Sucking IRS is usually very open to cutting a deal with you, and there's no reason you need to be gouged by a middle man like US Tax Shield or TaxMasters or any of these other bottom-feeding scumbags.   I've never had any problems with the IRS, yet I know this.  Maybe because I don't get financial advice from late-night television commercials.  And there's another good idea:  Don't take financial advice from late-night television commercials.  Sure, the "get away with it" message is more attractive, but a few minutes of research on (one of my favorite websites) will show you what a mirage it really is.


  1. " Don't take financial advice from late-night television commercials. "

    Fantastic statement.

  2. If this isn't an advertisement for paying your taxes on time, I don't know what is. Most people would rather not go through the trouble of getting fleeced by bunco artists when doing it the right way is so much easier. It's like watching the idiots on Scooby Doo going to all the trouble of dressing up as monsters and screwing with people when there are easier (and legal) ways of getting results.