Monday, April 1, 2013

Because G-D F---ING FORBID you ever have to Shut Up!

My favorite part of this commercial is the fat business-type oaf at the very beginning, yelling "Hello? Hello?" into a cell phone that WE ARE BEING TOLD has a DEAD BATTERY.  Maybe I should cut this guy a little slack- he looks like he's over fifty, so he probably doesn't understand these newfangled wireless phones all that well- but still....the problem being announced by the narrator isn't "poor reception," it's DEAD BATTERIES.  Unless the guy on the other end is standing ten feet away, YELLING INTO YOUR DEAD PHONE ISN'T GOING TO HELP.

The rest of it is the usual "I am so important that I need constant access to the world through my cell phone" blather, with idiots angry that they can't use their phones to text and talk and stream videos nonstop for hours and hours without the battery needing a recharge.  I must say, I simply cannot relate to any of this.  If I forget to plug my phone in for two days in a row, the battery charge is reduced by about half.  I haven't had a phone actually DIE on me since I stopped having very long, late-night conversations with a certain someone I don't talk to anymore.

Quick tip:  If you are constantly facing the Oh So Tragic Problem of Annoyingly Inadequate Cell Phone batteries, you can do one of two things that are probably better bets than a tiny solar battery which MIGHT provide an extra six minutes or so, you yakky, phone-obsessed loser:

A.  You can carry around an extra battery.

B.  You can shut your stupid pie hole every once in a while.  Amazing how that saves battery life.

Why am I so sure that you are going to pick Option "A?"


  1. I'm rarely caught by a dead battery because I keep an eye on how low my battery is getting and charge it when it's down to one bar.

    There is no such thing as instantly charging a battery. There is such a thing as plugging into a power source and instantly having access to power, but the former sounds a lot more Exciting and Fantastic.

    I do like the idea of a solar charger, and I think they could make a killing off the eco-conscious crowd marketing as an alternative to sucking up power produced by coal-burning power plants.

  2. I've read customer reviews on this piece of junk. It doesn't work and one reviewer said she'd give these out as Christmas presents to people she doesn't like.