Sunday, August 26, 2012
Because this is not a decision you want to leave to your "Loved Ones"
I don't know, maybe it's just me- but the guy talking about what his family is going to do with his dead body as he turns raw pieces of meat on the grill is a pretty sketchy way to start this ad, don't you think?
A lot of Life Insurance ads focus on the "rising funeral expenses" which, I guess, could actually cripple a family's economic stability unless handled through the purchase of bigger and bigger insurance policies. Seriously? I don't get this AT ALL. Why do funerals "have" to be such a terrific financial burden? What does this asshole at the grill want, a fricking pyramid? A Viking funeral complete with oak casket entombed in a burning, 40-foot replica of a Nordic exploration vessel?
Hey, Earth to Survivors: Your loved one is dead. Stick him in a pine box, drop him into the ground, and decorate the plot of land above his rotting corpse with a simple granite slab. Better yet, go the cremation route- we take up more than enough space while Among the Living, the least we could do is vanish completely once we go on to our Great Reward (Oblivion without Cell Phone Service, is my guess.)
Mr. Grillmaster apparently has crappy Life Insurance, or he's afraid that his dependents won't think a lavish send-off is worth dipping into the pot, so he's gone the extra step of handing another company even more money for Funeral Only Insurance. This strikes me as an Almost Awesome way to give the Finger to your family when you die- oh to be there when the attorney explains to them that you left Wife and Two Wonderful Kids $300,000 to replace your income- but you also purchased a $10 million funeral, with music provided by the London Symphony Orchestra and two virgins who will play-act being sealed up with your now-worthless body in the marble tomb which can be seen from space. Oh, they'll be weeping all right, and wondering how much the 200 Extras paid to stand around crying and touching handkerchiefs to their faces cost.
You know, maybe I'll make a few calls tomorrow and make some changes to my own insurance plans. To hell with beneficiaries- I want every penny I leave spent on the biggest, showiest, most traffic-stopping sendoff I can afford. To hell with having my ashes scattered into the ocean or on the hill behind my boyhood home- I want them encased in lead and attached to a high-orbit satellite named after me, where they can look down on my Loved Ones. Serves them right for outliving me, the selfish bastards.