Saturday, August 11, 2012

Phil and John's Obnoxious Adventure

According to the description on YouTube, this commercial is supposed to depict some "competition" between "two world class photographers."  Hmmmm...I don't know who Phil and John are; maybe they are actual, real-life, world-class photographers.   But all this commercial shows is two jackasses in competition to be world-class assholes.  With the contest ending in a tie.

Take a look.  Phil and John are after the "perfect shot" of what looks like an American Bald Eagle (or maybe it's a Condor.  Really, who cares?)  They are both equipped with serious photographic equipment and Range Rovers.  So they take to the great outdoors, determined to track down whatever bird this is and get the prize-winning photo which will make them famous among the 37 people who are aware that there are famous photographers, maybe get their work on the cover of Famous Photographers Magazine.  Whatever.

Anyway, they engage in really stupid, dangerous driving on narrow country lanes, fuck the locals who may be unfortunate enough to be on the road that day.  When one guy can't shake the other, he goes to Four Wheel Drive and guns it up a dirt road- wow, I'd be impressed if driving on an unpaved road wasn't something I do on a daily basis while visiting my parents in Vermont.  In my Honda Civic.  We aren't shown how many squirrels, etc. go under the wheels of the Range Rovers as they crash through the terrain, and the clear message is that it's perfectly ok to destroy wildlife if your goal is to capture it on film.  Again, whatever.

The commercial ends with one guy about to get a great shot- but then the other guy pulls up and beeps his horn, startling the bird and (I guess) ruining the first guy's shot.  First impression- Gee, what an unprofessional prick.  Second impression- unless you are an utter, clueless, classless moron, what would compel you to beep your horn when pulling up to the only vehicle within two miles like that- you didn't think the guy who owns the other car noticed your arrival?  Third impression- for all their supposed interest in nature and wildlife, these guys sure don't show a lot of regard for their subjects, do they?

After all- maybe that bird is hunting for food for it's young.  Maybe it's searching for a nesting area.  Maybe it's trying to rest.  But it can't- because it's being chased all over the fucking place by two witless douchenozzles with cameras, who (oh joy!) can follow it until it's heart explodes because they've got these awesome Range Rovers.  Makes your heart glow, doesn't it?

The only way this commercial redeems itself is if, in an epilogue, we see these idiots encounter a grizzly and it's cubs, which have become irritated by all the unnecessary noise brought into the forest by Phil and John, and Phil and John become very messy snacks for said grizzly and cubs.  Or how about Phil and John encounter a tribe of inbred hillbillies who show these two World Class Photographers exactly where they can store those zoom lenses?   Anything would be better than this crap.


  1. I'd like to see that last. We could call it Deliverance from Stupid People.

  2. No. What's missing is the footage of the guy in the Jeep Wrangler who got to the top and took photos a half-hour ago because he wasn't some yuppie wannabe-outdoorsman who stopped for a damn latte first.

  3. I'm pretty sure the bird is a very common Turkey Vulture.

  4. Hey, Phil and John, squeal like a pig.

  5. I'm just going to bite my tongue on any of the actual photography flaws in this ad. Because I only watched it once and saw a few. I don't want to watch it again.

    I just wanted to say my favorite part of your rant was: "In my Honda Civic." I actually did laugh out loud at that.

  6. I searched for stupid commercial range rover and this site came up. Clearly, you've captured exactly how I feel about this ad.