Thursday, August 16, 2012

More Parental Fail, Courtesy of Charter

Ah, isn't Juvenile Internet Addiction just the Cutest?

I mean, here are parents willing to give their 10-year old kid what is apparently unlimited access to everything Charter offers- blazing fast internet speeds,  practically instant downloading (eight songs in three seconds? Ehh, I suppose that's impressive.  I don't know.  I tend to download songs one at a time- literally, one day at a time, with maybe weeks between downloads.  Because unlike the juvenile knuckle-dragging droolers over at YouTube, I don't have a Pavlovian "what is that song I need that song where can I get that song" response whenever I hear five seconds of music...)

Sorry, rant over.  Back to this ad:

It's pretty clear to me that the addition of Charter to this happy home is having what are supposed to be cute, darling consequences but are to my dark soul chilling warnings of what will come if Mommy and Daddy don't repent and rein this in very, very quickly.  Timmy- who probably spent a lot of time pre-Charter playing with friends outside, riding bikes, and all that other stuff that This Childless Person Imagines that Typical Suburban Children Do- is now hibernating in his room, clicking away, downloading This Movie and That Song, getting paler and paler- and weirder and weirder.

Worried now, Parents?  I suggest you stow the shrug and do something productive about it.  How about starting with a talk with your son about balancing all this technology with other activities?  Better yet, how about yanking that computer out of his room altogether?  Seriously, why does a kid this age have to have access to all the streaming video and music he wants anyway?  Maybe I'm using the term "Parents" too loosely here- maybe "adults who happen to be living in Timmy's House with Timmy" would be more appropriate?

At any rate, I really think that these adults should get over their "this is weird but what are you gonna do?" funk and tackle this problem head on, BEFORE they wake up one day and Timmy is a surly teen who doesn't give a flying crap what they say- because after all, his REAL friends are all on Facebook anyway, and if the Parental Units were really concerned about him, why did they set him up on his own like this to begin with?


  1. The kid is about 10 years old and wearing a tie and a cardigan sweater. Let's face it. He doesn't have any friends.

  2. There are two other vids with this young internet addict, and he's just as "I am going to take over the world and be recognized and loved by one and all!" kind of delusional in both. I get how a kid having delusions of grandeur could be amusing, but his parents are such pathetic wastes of space it's only annoying. My parents would have had strict limits on how much time I could spend online if the 'net had been around when I was a kid and I would not have had my own computer at Tim's age, and when they did decide I was old enough to have my own computer, they would not have allowed me to spend hour upon hour surfing mindlessly. School work, limited email time, and that would be it. I got a word processor when I was fifteen and spent a lot of time writing. I loved writing so much that I told my mom one day that I'd probably just spend most evenings totally in my room and not come down to dinner; I'd get food when I was hungry. She was like, "Yes, you are coming down to eat dinner." Good parents make an effort to be aware of what their child is doing online and how long they spend online, and they set limits for their child that are enforced.

  3. I didn't have a computer until I was 21, and no computer with online access until I was 31, but considering that my parents wouldn't even let us stay indoors on nice days there is no WAY they would have provided us with unlimited online access growing up. These parents are, like I said in the title, total fails, perfectly content to watch their kid get weirder and weirder while wearing a helpless look on their faces the whole time.

    Now, I think that if I had told my parents I did not want to eat because I wanted to keep writing or reading, they would have left a plate for me in the fridge, because those activities were more highly valued than "family time" (both my parents worked, so we weren't together for dinner on a regular basis.) But I totally get your point- there are few things on TV more obnoxious than these "kids are in charge, adults are just helpless bystanders" ads.

  4. I get the impression this kid is the modern-day equivalent of the character played by Billy Mumy in the "It's A Good Life" episode of "The Twilight Zone" know, the kid who controls everyone around him in his entire town and they all have to do whatever he wants, including watching whatever TV shows he chooses, lest they be wished out into the cornfield. Today's version must be treated like a little god because "I AM the Internet!"...Spare us.