Saturday, August 25, 2012
Despite this warning from Radio Shack, we never really saw it coming, did we?
I can remember seeing this commercial, more than 20 years ago, and just snickering at the concept of a company best known for selling cheap batteries trying to convince the average consumer that they could ever get enough use out of a portable phone to justify it's bulk and cost.
Well, shows what I know. Sure, the bulk went away- from four pounds to a couple of ounces- and so did the cost (I think this thing, which looks like it could have been used on the beaches at Normandy, retailed for around $3000.) Maybe that had something to do with it. But in twenty years cellular phones went from being a rather clunky, heavy, stupid, expensive luxury to a tiny, light, stupid, expensive luxury--errr, I mean, Absolute Necessity.
And of course, since just talking on a phone wasn't enough (it was for 100 years, remember) we got texting, video cameras, televisions, projection screens, and the internet thrown in. Because Radio Shack, and all of the other drug peddlers who got us hooked on these things, simply cannot bear the thought that we might ever put them down. So every year, they add something to give us an excuse to never do that. These days, the tag line is "Share Everything." Uh huh. Because suddenly, thanks to your cell phone, everything is worth sharing. Sure it is.
Anyway, the age of suitcase-sized briefcases and beepers didn't last very long, did it? I mean, I never even saw one of these things in real life. I do remember phones without cameras. I also remember sane people who didn't brag about the technology they held in their hands as if A) it's expensive, B) it's exclusive, C) it takes some special skill not shared with everyone over the age of six to use, and D) they built it. In other words, I'm old enough to remember the days before these things turned people into zombie assholes.
I heard a radio personality the other day suggest that life would suddenly become much more bearable if "all the satellites fell out of the sky." I can't say I disagree, though it would deprive me of this blog. But if I was to wake up one day and find that I had no more material for This Commercial Sucks, no one would be happier than I. Believe me, I'd find something else to do.