Sunday, January 20, 2013
Commercial Curmudgeon want all horrible Couchgating monkeys Go Boom!
Sometimes, I feel compelled to start off my blog post with an apology for subjecting readers to a god-awful mess of an ad that they might have been blessed to have missed. In the case of this horrid commercial for fried chicken parts, I think that the whole damn post should be an apology.
I'm sorry I needed to comment on an ad featuring about a dozen of the most loathsome excuses for human beings seen on television since the last showing of The Phantom Menace. (I mean, just look at these Smug For No Reason At All jackanapes.) I'm sorry for the contribution I've made in spreading KFC's latest attempt to introduce a new tagline into the national lexicon: Couchgating. As in Couchgating: To sit on your fat, lazy ass wolfing down a month's worth of grease and carbs over the course of three hours. I mean, I always thought Tailgating was really stupid- but at least Tailgaters had to leave the freaking house. And Tailgaters tend to set up barbecues and toss footballs around parking lots while creating and nurturing social connections with other Tailgaters. Compared to sitting like zombies watching a football game while cramming mass-produced poisonous junk from a magic (always overflowing, never goes down even a little no matter how many pieces of the crud are removed) bucket on the table? Tailgating is the height of entertainment compared to Couchgating.
And I'm sorry that the image of that wretched, poor excuse for a female life form bleating "Game Day Bucket Go Boom" will be with your long after you've cursed my name and closed this page. Here's something I'd really like to see go boom, lady. Your intestines. Your furnace. Anything that causes you to keel over and never, ever pollute my television screen again.
Because I'm really not into apologizing, and hope I never have to do it again. But who am I kidding?