Thursday, January 24, 2013

Subaru Presents: A Spot I would have been more than happy to miss

What is this commercial attempting to sell us?  The joy of having intensely stupid kids?  Of living on a suburban street in which none of your neighbors notice what your intensely stupid kids are doing?  Of leaving your kids totally unattended for hours,* while also leaving your car keys within easy reach (or just leaving your car unlocked in the driveway of your ticky tacky All Look Just The Same castle?)

None of the above.  I'm convinced that this is actually an endorsement of going through life heavily medicated.  Having woken up one day to find himself living the Middle Class dream (which seems to always include two kids who look like Dad,) this guy has decided to keep himself on heavy doses of Valium.  Or maybe it's just Marijuana.  I mean, come on- there's something in between throwing a murderous fit which finally gets the neighbors away from their DVRs ("watch five shows at once!") and "here, let me help you finish destroying my car."

Love:  Accepting that your kids are morons who are basically on their own, which is going to result in them doing a lot of damage to your property.  Can I assume that each Subaru comes with a starter supply of Daddy's Little Helper in the glove compartment?

*Where's Mommy?  I don't know why, but I got the oddest notion while watching this that Mommy is sitting at the bay window with a glass of wine in her hand and a big smile on her face, watching all of this happen to Daddy's car.  But who am I kidding? The sequel will probably show harried, Had Been Off Doing Important Stuff Mom coming home, surveying the wreck of the car, and thinking once again "why did I think I could leave the kids in the care of that idiot, even for a few hours?"


  1. I hate ads like this -- they're supposed to show you not to be an overly aggressive parent. So your kids made a mistake -- don't respond angrily. Join it in and make it a bonding moment.

    In reality, what this attitude promotes is weak-willed parenting which teaches children that there are no boundaries, and nothing they do can be considered bad or wrong or inappropriate.

  2. I can't help but think that that screen cap preview for the video looks as if that weird-looking kid is peeing on the side of Dad's car.

  3. Of leaving your kids totally unattended for hours,* while also leaving your car keys within easy reach (or just leaving your car unlocked in the driveway of your ticky tacky All Look Just The Same castle?)

    Heh, I love the reference to the Weeds theme song (I wish they'd go back to using it).

    This commercial has so much "stupid" it's hard to know where to begin. Makes me want to hide the "Subara" emblem on my Forester.

  4. Oh. My. Word. Schadenfreude, I'm feeling it. That'll learn Daddy to let the kids wash the car unsupervised. *snickers*

    I washed my parents' cars a lot when I was younger, and while I don't recall the first times I did so, I have no doubt I was supervised by my father so he could make sure the windows were rolled up, the correct kind and amount of soap was in the bucket, there weren't any stones or anything else on the sponge that would scratch the paint, and generally that I was doing it correctly (and to give me a boost to wash and rise the roof when I needed it). Once he was sure I could be trusted not to wreak unintentional havoc, I was left unattended with the hose and bucket. That was a Huge Deal to me, because my Dad's a Big Car Nut, so being trusted by him to get the cars clean meant a lot, so I always tried to do the best job possible so my Daddy wouldn't ever have a reason to not be happy with me.

    Love does not mean pretending it's no big deal your kids totally trashed the inside of your car while trying to wash it. It's a Very Big Deal, and there's a very definite Learning Experience in it for them, staring with a lesson about why YOU ASK MOMMY AND DADDY IF YOU CAN WASH THE CAR BEFORE YOU START WASHING IT, YOU LITTLE SHITS! YES, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE. BIG TROUBLE! No, love is telling your kid--who asked before washing the car and got your permission and waited to start until after you made sure the windows were up--they did a great job because you saw how hard they worked even though there are soap streaks on the windows and sides because they didn't rinse quite well enough so you take it to the car wash when they're at their friends later in the day. That's love

    1. There's an old Haagan Daz (sic) ice cream commercial that suggests the best way to react to discovering that your kids waxed your car with steel wool is--- to eat ice cream. Seriously.