Friday, January 4, 2013

Coming to Formerly Peaceful Places Near You

Oh yeah, this is a piece of technology that is certain to make our lives better.  Now we can stop listening to garbled, semi-literate half-conversations and tinny music coming from the "old" hand-held sound systems, and start listening to booming sound coming from overpriced but (yay) portable stereos carried by 100 percent self-absorbed assholes who couldn't care less if you want to hear what they want to hear.  Who the hell are YOU, anyway?*

So when I go to Hampton Beach next year, I'm sure to be "treated" to someone else's taste in music in better quality and at a considerably higher volume than usual.  But I probably won't have to wait till then- I'll probably be "enjoying" the stunning music quality on the train, on the bus, on the bike and jogging paths, at the YMCA, and everywhere else I like to go (or, at least, used to like to go) just to get away from it all.  After all, your music is now so wonderful portable, you can annoy me whenever, wherever.  It's all about you, all the time- in case you don't know that already.

And it's all because Bose finally decided to join the Let's Get Everyone To Hate Everyone Else parade.  Thanks, Dr. Bose, for revealing yourself to be just another evil scientist who started off with a great idea but then twisted it into a detriment to humanity.  And then hired some jerkwad with a British accent to sell it to us, because that makes it sound so classy and desirable to us stupid yanks.

*In another of these ads- which I could not find on YouTube, young people are dancing around to lyrics which include "Everybody's looking they're looking they're looking they're looking at me...'cause I'm free."  Maybe, just MAYBE, they're looking they're looking they're looking at you because they wonder where you get off "sharing" your taste in music with the whole damned neighborhood, jerkwad.


  1. This is a great product if you're four years old and don't know better. Where it all goes wrong is that the bodies of the idiots using it are adult but they might as well be drinking Cuervo out of a sippy cup.

  2. I am actually looking forward to even more advances in portable speak systems. Specifically, I am waiting for them to make a speaker small enough that it can realistically be shoved up the owner's ass. All the way. Far enough that you can put your ear to their stomach and hear the acoustic ability of their colon.

    1. *falls over laughing* My feelings exactly. All I could think when I realized what the commercial was for was, "Oh. F*ck. No." It's bad enough on the bus now, with asshats listening to their music at top volume on their smart phones. If those same asshats have one of these things...*shuddertwitchtwitch*