Thursday, January 17, 2013

The customers Comcast REALLY cares about

I've pretty much reconciled myself to the idea that everyone in this country except me lives in a $3 million dollar home featuring kitchens twice as large as my apartment.  Homes with perfectly maintained hardwood floors.  Homes which just scream "Latin American Cleaning Crew Practically Lives Here."

And I've pretty much come to grips with the idea that everyone in this country except me has lightning-fast internet speeds which download pages before one has even finished typing out the address and streams movies to 40 different devices including the 80-inch plasma televisions mounted on every other wall, including the one in the bathroom large enough to double as a den.

What I will NEVER reconcile is the idea that people who live in these homes care about saving money on their cable/internet/phone service.  Seriously, how do brains like this function?  Thirty-year mortgage on a $3 million palatial estate.  $10 K on big screen televisions, including the one in the tree house.  Sunken living rooms and cleaning crews.  Oh, but Comcast is a slightly better deal than Fios- don't get fooled into signing a ruinous five-year contract!

Seriously, though, would it be so damned hard for Comcast to show us a commercial which is even remotely relatable to those of us who AREN'T snug and comfy in the 1%?  People like me, who use the package Comcast (without even a hint of irony) refers to as "Blast," which apparently translates into "Internet Service, Sometimes?"  I mean, I don't want to use my phone or laptop to look at my apartment wherever I go.  I don't want to adjust the heat or turn the freaking lights on from school.  I just want to be able to check my email, read the news, and write for my blog without endless freezing, cutesy "OOPS!" messages, and intensely unhelpful CLICK EASY SOLVE pop-ups (EASY SOLVE is Comcast's awesome, FREE service which provides terrific information like YOU ARE NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET.)

To get any of those things, I guess I have to move into a $3 million home and start installing massive televisions.  Then Comcast will be interested in keeping me away from Fios.  Until then, I'm stuck watching the endless struggle of the Pretty Rich People dealing with the petty annoyances which keep life from being Absolutely Perfect.

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