Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Oh, they'll end up Well Rounded, all right
1. Who the hell talks like the guy in this ad? Who narrates their recent decision to purchase a breakfast at Dennys? Does he think the kids give a damn how much it costs? More likely, they are just happy that it's Daddy's Weekend, which means they get to eat at Dennys. (Children like to go to restaurants and eat crap. It's one of those things that make them Children.)
2. Why does every Dad on Television act like a befuddled, clueless dumbass the moment a kid asks him a question about ANYTHING? "I should have said 'Well-Rounded Meal.'" Um, no- when you do that, you are just replacing one stupid, hackneyed, virtually meaningless line with another. I'm not a Dad, but I'm pretty sure this is one of those "teachable moments," where you have an opportunity to teach your idiot kids something important about nutrition. Instead, you just fumble around for another non-answer.
3. Of course, this might not be the best place to have a discussion on proper nutrition with the kids. "By square meal, I mean it's got all the major food groups right here on one plate- Fat, Grease, Cholesterol, Meat, and Sodium. And look, I can wash it all down with a cup of Coffee. See how responsible Daddy is? Just remember, this is just Every Other Weekend Stuff. It's not a plan for regular, healthy eating."
4. Why does every kid of a certain age in every commercial have to talk like this horrible little girl? I would rather stick nails in my eyes than have a "conversation" with this treacly little drip lasting more than five minutes. How about letting Daddy eat the meal he just purchased and is now inexplicably giving a speech about, and stop reminding Daddy why Mommy loves these weekends so much?
5. Why does Daddy call for the waitress at the end of this commercial? What does he plan on asking the waitress to do? Adopt his kids? Tell them that Talking is Not Allowed at Denny's and if they keep it up, they won't get dessert? Bring a sedative he can slip into the kids' milkshakes? What?