Sunday, January 6, 2013

Slightly-behind-the-Curve Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer discovers Direct Deposit

Other things I've discovered recently that have made my life so much easier--

I used to have to take a pail to the barn every morning to milk the cow, so I could eat my breakfast cereal.  Then I discovered that there are these things called stores, which sell milk in plastic jugs.  What a time saver!

I used to drill for oil, refine the sludge which came up through my efforts, and put the refined product into my car's fuel tank.  What a hassle.  Then I learned that other people were storing fuel and selling it!  Now I just use rubber hoses to inject someone else's gasoline into my car, pay a nominal fee, and I'm on my way!  Yay, more time with my daughter!!

I used to grow cotton and raise sheep in my backyard, and whenever I needed new clothing, I'd have to take days off from work to create thread and spin it on my loom.  Then came the cutting and sewing.  It was a hassle, but what else could I do?  Then I learned that there were millions of Asian slaves who were already making clothes and selling it for a very low price right here in America, within driving distance of my house (especially now that I've figured out this whole Buying Gasoline thing.)  My life has gotten so much better!

But nothing beats out this latest discovery, courtesy of VISA- turns out that I no longer have to stand in line at the bank with my paycheck!  There's this brand new thing called "Direct Deposit," and I'm sure that in time it will stand with the Grocery Store, Gas Station and Personal Computer (still looking into that, might be just a rumor) as Great Inventions of the 21st Century.

(Because your technology confuses and frightens me, and because the prospect of "saving" isn't something I'm willing to look into yet- can only handle so much in one year, after all- I'm going to refer to Direct Deposit as "getting my paycheck loaded on my Debit Card."  Because it helps me understand this incredibly complicated, Obviously Magic phenomenon.  And because I'm really, really strange.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the movie theater and check out the Talkies.  What a world we live in.  Confusing and frightening, but wonderful all the same.


  1. Actually, this is a "service" for people who could not qualify to get conventional checking accounts. (Too many bad checks, poor credit, etc.)

    Like most companies that cater to the sub-prime market, they are loaded with predatory fees - and if your card should be lost/stolen you are pretty much SOL

  2. Thanks Jennifer, I didn't catch that- so this commercial is more depressing than it is funny, and this guy is one step away from buying Money Orders at 7-11 so he can pay his bills. If he can pay his bills.

    What threw me, I guess, was how damned happy he seems to be provided with this "service." But heck, MoneyStore and CashStop commercials always show their victims--err, "customers"-- walking off with fans made of money and big smiles on their faces, so what does that prove?

  3. And Morgan Freeman endorses this....just goes to show for some people, there's no such thing as Enough Money.

  4. By "my paycheck is loaded right on my card" he mean his Social Security Disability and Unemployment checks are loaded right on the card and by "going down town, standing in line to cash it" he means the check cashing place or liquor store around the corner.