Saturday, February 23, 2013

Because dealing with cable makes Baby Jesus cry

I will NEVER understand how I woke up one day and found myself in a country populated entirely by lazy, tv-obsessed dickwads who think that that there is nothing more important than being able to record and store every single show without dealing with OMG HOW ANNOYING limitations on their precious God-given right to waste time.

Just check out these disgusting, life-deficient zombies.  What's Not Quite As Annoying/Irritating/Anger-Inducting as having a limited recording capacity thanks to Ewwww So Yesterday cable?  An out of control ventriloquist dummy on an airplane (they sure ran out of "more annoying than..." ideas in record time, didn't they?)  Car accidents.  Being mugged by clowns.  Having dentists sneeze into your open mouth.

( Coming next month:  Unplanned Abortions.  Chinese Organ Thieves.  The death of siblings.  Mass Shootings.  )

Yes, all of these things are VERY annoying- but don't quite approach the inability to record 2000 hours of one's "favorite" tv shows (why don't these choads just admit it- if you are constantly pushing your DVR to capacity, you are probably recording everything and never erasing anything.  Which means you are wasting too damn much time watching television.)

Here's what I find more annoying than cable- ads featuring people who have so little going on in their lives that they feel the need to bitch nonstop about a service that would have seemed miraculous to people in the freaking 1990s.  People who act as if being able to record television is the Be All and End All of existence.  People who need to just shut their spoiled rotten pie holes and take "DVR FULL" as a sign from God- or maybe Comcast- that it's time to shut the damned idiot box off for a while and Do. Something. Else.  And especially people who refuse to admit that they died years ago and just go into the damned hole and make it official already.


  1. If you need that much DVR time, you have problems, and lack of enough DVR time is not one of them. I really think the Amish have the right idea sometimes, shunning electricity and other modern conveniences.

    1. These commercials are very similar to the "unlimited data plan" cell phone ads- if you and your entire family is constantly yakking and texting and downloading on your phones, the obvious solution is-- to get an Unlimited Plan! Not to re-examine your disgusting non-life! Problem solved- now you can be a moron antisocial zombie without dealing with high phone bills!