Saturday, February 2, 2013

Oh yes, I feel much safer now. Thanks, GripGo!

Naturally if your cell phone goes off when your driving, your immediate instinct is to look around for it, because to hell with safety- if it's ringing, it means someone is desperate to get in touch with you and it's a matter of life and death.  You are so important, you are.

So I suppose GripGo is better than fumbling around for a phone near your feet, or between the seats, or in your pocket, or whatever.  But hey, here's an even better idea- LET THE F--ING THING RING.  You've got Voice Mail.  If it's important, they'll leave a message.  Nobody worth your time will be offended if you don't answer your phone while trying to operate two tons of heavy machinery through traffic.  And let's face it- 99 percent of the time, the "important" call you are risking your life (and mine) to answer will consist of nothing more than "hey whassup?"

(And if you are like 99 percent of the My G-d Given Right To Blather On My Cell Phone Is More Important Than Your Safety douchenozzles who make our highways death traps these days, that kind of conversation is well worth fumbling around and making other drivers swerve out of the way for.)

I will add however that I fail to see how mounting this thing on the dashboard so that it's right in front of your face as you talk is a really big improvement.  And besides, isn't that where your laptop, DVD player or makeup kit is supposed to go?

Not to mention- it's "fully adjustable."  Ok- so you aren't holding your phone with one hand while driving with the other anymore.  Now you are obsessively adjusting your GripGo to get just the right screen angle while (hopefully) driving with the other....hey, why do you need to adjust the screen anyway?  So you can watch the screen during the call?  So much for contributing to safer driving...

The really sad thing about this commercial is that incredibly clueless, disconnected, distracted and obtuse morons will probably be convinced that if they buy and install this thing, that somehow transforms them into Responsible Citizens.  Hey, I'm being safe- sure I'm not giving more than 10 percent of my attention to the road, but at least I'm not actually HOLDING my phone!

And hey- they don't offer an extra GripGo (just pay separate shipping and handling?)  That's got to be a first in the history of ads like this.  And what terrible timing- what am I going to do with that DVD player while I'm changing lanes at 70 MPH while blabbing away on my phone?  I have to use my hands after all?  Oh well, good thing I have two of them.  And being a typical, cell phone-addled genius, I'll have no problem dividing my attention between the screen, the conversation, and the road (in that order) either.


  1. I do see one good aspect of this thing, however. Being right there sticking out of the windshield makes it easy for the cop who pulls him over for using a cell phone in traffic to just grab it and throw it onto the pavement.

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