Saturday, February 9, 2013

MommyWife is one step closer to being obsolete, thanks to AirWick

It never takes that much to make most of them happy in a crushed soul, muted dreams kind of way: Nice house, reasonably decent guy bringing home a paycheck, jewelry a few times a year and a new baby maybe every other.  They don't ask for much more, and if they find themselves experiencing a gnawing sense of longing or lack of fulfillment, well...there's the new recipe to try or the fleeting moments of fantasy and daydreaming between the screaming, diaper changing and Honey Where The Hell Are My Keys mornings.

And then there's this woman, who finds way too much pleasure in emptying a can of air freshener as she twirls through the living room she gave her entire life to obtain.  I can't snark on her too much; I'm too busy wondering how far her fall was.  Did she EVER want more than this?  Oh, and wondering how she managed to sell herself to this jerk, who is clearly determined to wreck every false notion of value she might have left.

Thought I needed you to have someone to keep My Palace smelling great, honey? Well, think again- this AirWick thing means I won't be requiring that particular job out of you any longer.  Where the hell are my keys again?

Eventually, this guy will purchase a key finder, and this woman's contribution to the marriage will be reproducing and providing free sex.  When the guy decides he doesn't want any more children, and hologram technology finally starts to fulfill forty years of promise, there's not going to be much point in having you around anymore, MommyWife.  I mean, it's not like you've ever had anything interesting to say or have a personality or anything.


  1. I never knew they managed to create an aerosol version of cocaine.

  2. You know what else makes your house smell fresh?

    Cleaning it.