Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Progresso: My husband is humiliating me with his youthful looks and energy!

1.  There's not a whole lot of evidence here that "we" are really enjoying Progresso's new line of Light soups.  Husband- yes.  We? No.

2.  Leave it to pasty, Still-apparently-locked-indoors wife to complain that her slimmed-down, exercise-conscious, twenty-years-younger husband is wearing 80s jogging gear while embracing his new lifestyle.  Sure, he's healthier.  Sure, he's more muscular.  Sure, he has more energy.  But ewwww check out the colors!  What will the neighbors think?  Well, my guess is

3.  The neighbors are probably spending less time talking about Hubby's garish wardrobe than they are wondering where the hell Wifey is, and why she isn't out there running alongside Hubby and trimming down too.  Instead of hanging around the house, talking into an empty can with some "chef" over at Progresso.

Hey, honey?  Here are few tips that Progresso would give you if it was interested in something other than peddling its product:  Now that you have both embraced eating bland, watery soup as a way of cutting calories, why not take the extra step and get that body moving like Hubby did?  My guess is that he won't mind if you pull the leggings and wrist weights and rainbow tank tops out of storage, if it means you regain that curvy form that attracted him to you twenty years ago.  I just can't see him calling the Progresso Complaint Line to vent about you becoming a young, lithe, energetic little goddess in the sack, can you?

Oh, and here's other little tip- it's not a good idea to stand still while your Significant Other is embarked on a journey of physical improvement.  I'm not trying to judge your relationship or anything, but I feel like I gotta warn you- there are plenty of fish in the sea, and not all of them are content to be pale, overweight curmudgeons while their spouses are busy discovering the fountain of youth through diet and exercise.  Just a thought.


  1. Failing that, the neighbours are thinking that Hubby is planning on trading up to someone who isn't a lunatic who talks to soup cans.

  2. The entire premise of this ad with its soup can telephones is moronic in the extreme.

  3. There is another Progresso commercial where the customer is such a moron, he has to call the "chef" to ask what to do with the soup. So the "chef" says to eat the soup and numbnuts actually has to write it down.

    1. Yep, I've seen that one: "Eat. The. Soup." Brilliant!

      Maybe he can ask his iPhone how this whole "breathing" thing works next.