Saturday, February 23, 2013

In five years, this kid will be playing Rerun in the "What's Happening?" movie

"Math is my best subject?"  Really?  I would have guessed "manipulating my stupid parents into hauling my fat ass off to the local Golden Corral Feed Bin for cheap, greasy, bland food" would have been the subject you get most of your A's in, kid.

Not that being able to twist these tasteless, clueless idiots around your finger is much to be be proud of.  Anyone who sees "seconds or more" as a selling point for a restaurant specializing in meatloaf, macaroni and cheese and a fountain spewing Hershey syrup (not to mention the disgusting hicks standing in line to stick their hands in the cotton candy machine) isn't exactly the hardest nut to crack, after all.  So congratulations, kid- your mom managed to get herself knocked up by a dumbass who probably thinks that his daily use of the MacDonald's Dollar Menu qualifies him for membership in MENSA.

And in twenty seconds flat, you've conned Daddy Clueless into piling you and mom into the family auto for an hour or so of binge eating.  Don't forget to change into sweatpants!  (I'd say "don't forget to sweat," but for Golden Corral regulars I'm sure that particular activity comes naturally.)

So again- congratulations, kid.  Enjoy your evening of carb-loading.  With any luck, Dad will call it quits before he slips into a diabetic coma- but if he doesn't, well, I guess that's what Mom is for, right?

1 comment:

  1. There's a Golden Corral opening about twenty minutes from me. The first in my area. Thanks to your blog, I was able to tell my parents exactly what Golden Corral is about and now they have no interest in checking it out when it opens. Now if I could only do the same for the millions of others in the greater metropolitan area....