Saturday, January 19, 2013

Oh, and while you are over here, your parents are on Ebay trying to sell you




"You should go home right now."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't my problem, and I hate you."

"Why?"

"Because you keep asking 'Why?', but are clearly not interested in the answer."

"Why?"

"My guess is that it's because you are just an obnoxious, horrid little brat."

"Why?"

"Because your parents made you that way."

"Why?"

"My guess is that it's because Mommy wanted to have a kid right away, but Daddy didn't, and you came along even though Daddy thought they were still discussing it, so now every time daddy sees you he's reminded of what he considers a betrayal."

"Why?"

"Because Daddy remembers how awesome it was to be married to your mom when she was still slim and exciting and spontaneous and awesome in the sack.   Before you came along and ruined everything."

"Why?"

"Because that's what kids like you do. They ruin things."

"Why?"

"Because you are horrible.  Because you bother people, just like you are bothering me now.  Difference is, I get to tell you to get lost.  Your parents are stuck with you.  They hate that, but they are trapped.  I'm not.  Now, you have five seconds to leave."

"Why?"

"Because if you are still here after five seconds, I'm going to tell that monster in your closet to eat you while you sleep tonight."

2 comments:

  1. Silence is Golden. Duct tape is silver.

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  2. And mute buttons are black. Heh. You know, I sometimes think that the one thing that could unite the nation is an imitative to get rid of "cute" kids like this in car ads/ Mind you, not very many people would be thrilled by my vision of having a guy in glasses stand next to the car and explain why it's slightly different from other cars like it but that's just me.

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