Saturday, March 2, 2013

Hulu Presents: An Honest Commercial.

This is where we are as a society: Where Hulu, a company that markets being able to watch any television, anywhere, at any time, can come right out and tell us what they really think of their customers: That they are all brain-dead zombies who are letting life pass right in front of them while they burn their eyes and brains out  staring at a little screen.

I can hardly disagree; this is a point I've been making on this blog regularly for more than four years now.  Drooling jackasses who "need" to be forever blathering or texting with their phones, or watching television or listening to music (again, no headphones to be seen anywhere in this ad, you'll notice) are only distinguishable from Hollywood zombies in that the latter just want to eat brains- other than that, Hollywood Zombies tend to stay out of my way, and they never make me want to slap them around because they are laughing out loud at some steaming pile of crud they are watching on their Personal Connectivity Device.   They don't carry out pointless, endless non-conversations in public places or hold up the line at the checkout counter because they refuse to put those non-conversations on pause in order to hand money to the cashier or bag their groceries.  They don't ignore multiple "NO CELLPHONES" signs in gym locker rooms or ruin quiet moments in museums because hey, it's not like they could ever actually turn those f---ing things off.  They don't drive distracted or ignore their kids because they consider the electronic yakking or other entertainment more important than the safety of others or precious moments with the spawn.

Which actually leaves me with very little to say about this ad, except that it proves we've finally reached the moment where a company is confident that it can tell it's customers "you are all dribbling tools who have a serious addiction to our product, and we have absolutely zero respect for you because we know that no matter what we do or say, you are going to shell out for our service like good little trained monkeys" and face absolutely no repercussions.  They've kind of been beating around this bush for a few decades now, and in a way I'm relieved that the lame attempts of subtlety are over.  I also hope this is a trend, and in the future we can expect to see:

1.  Zales Diamonds:  "Here's a ridiculously overpriced piece of ancient rock that you'll buy even though you really can't afford it and it would make a lot more sense to use the money to pay down your mortgage, because women love shiny things and will jump in the sack if you dangle this in front of them."

2.  All Car Commercials: "Buy this car because it looks so showroom-shiny and it's got all those electronic bells and whistles techno-addled idiots like you have come to think are important!  I mean, you people are so brain-dead we don't even have to mention gas mileage or reliability in our ads anymore!"

3.  All Cell Phone Commercials:  "We know you want this phone even though yours is only a few months old, because it's got a cool name and you are so obsessed with showing well for your friends (assuming you still have any) you'll go into debt to avoid that, you suckers are so easy to play it would be pathetic and sad it it weren't so damned fun and profitable!"

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