Friday, March 22, 2013
Phillips brings us another episode of "Anything for a Paycheck"
Enjoy your stupid, disgusting little gig while you can, lady. Read your chirpy lines and keep a straight face as you repeatedly interrupt the lives of people everywhere with your "hey, got constipation?" rants. Collect your dismal paycheck as soon as filming is over, then go home to memorize the script for your next appearance.
But don't kid yourself into thinking that what is happening to you isn't the very definition of type-casting. If you ever dreamed of being a serious actress, that dream is now over, and was probably over when you agreed to be The Phillips Lady for the third or fourth time. For the rest of your life, you are going to be That Woman Who Used To Be Obsessed With Other People's Digestion Issues on TV. Maybe you'll get another gig here and there, but no matter how well you nail that Lifetime TV role, you are always and forever, The Phillips Lady.
And a few years from now, when you are sitting up against a dumpster in Hollywood with a "Will Act For Food" cardboard sign on your lap, you'll realize just how much those commercials cost you. I suggest you talk it out with the people sitting there next to you, with their own cardboard signs- Flo and that pretty girl from the T-Mobile ads, who got tossed aside the moment her looks began to fade and she could no longer fit into those skin-tight dresses and leather the Suits insisted she wear. They'll understand.